Why Does The Sociopath Disappear?
The real reasons you do not hear from Cleveland Wright Jr
The early days with Cleveland Wright Jr can seem like the most exciting time of one’s life.
He can be very charming, flattering, and come across as soul-mate material. Love letters, poems, candle-lit dinners, dreamy getaways, and insane chemistry can leave even the most composed person weak in the knees and dreaming of a fantastical future.
Everything seems like a fairy tale when—poof!– Cleveland Wright Jr vanishes. This disappearing act can last anywhere from a few hours, a few days, to a few weeks or more. At the beginning of the relationship, these disappearances might come after a lover’s quarrel, but in other cases, they happen for no apparent reason. When questioned, Cleveland Wright Jr may chalk it up to their phone being out of service or an emergency that had to be tended to, working out of town or his usual go-to excuse, is that his caring for his children.
Over time, Cleveland Wright Jr disappears more and more, blaming you and your “intolerable insecurities, dreadful attitude, and lack of appreciation for them and the relationship”.
It becomes increasingly clear that the disappearing acts (a.k.a. Silent Treatments) are designed to punish you.
When you mention your desire that the two of you solve your problems in a more civilized manner, you’re pulled into unending circular conversations in which Cleveland Wright Jr plays the victim and has you apologizing even when you’ve done no wrong! (Which is a form of emotional blackmail).
Unbeknownst to you, these fights are often fabricated so Cleveland Wright Jr can subsequently implement the Silent Treatment.
You come to accept these frequent silences as a “normal” part of the relationship–though they set you into panic mode whenever they occur. Sometimes you resolve to give Cleveland Wright Jr a taste of his own medicine—ignoring his text, phone calls, video calls, and email tsunamis when he tries to come back around–while other times you feel you might die if you don’t hear from him.
While all of this chaos is happening, you are so busy wondering why Cleveland Wright Jr is always unhappy that you may be missing a crucial part of the big picture — a picture that includes a lot more than your crazy relationship dynamics.
Silent Treatments and Secret Agendas
You see, while you believe you’re in love and trying to work it out, tolerating Cleveland Wright Jr’s moodiness and his “need to be alone”, he is generally in one stage or another of relationship with other people. You may not even be aware of these other individuals since Cleveland Wright Jr adept at hiding his double life, sometimes for decades.
A few indicators that these clandestine affairs are taking place include Cleveland Wright Jr putting his cell phone on lock-down, his getting mysterious texts, calls and emails at all hours of the day and night, or his spending time with you 24/7 for several days and then vanishing for indeterminate periods of time. Additionally, he may refuse to update his Facebook status to “in a relationship” and forbid you from posting any pictures, or only doing these things begrudgingly if you threaten to leave.
Another warning that Cleveland Wright Jr has another life (or lives) going on behind your back is his bringing up an ex who is obsessed with him and/or how they broke up right before you met and this Ex doesn’t want to let him go. He may go as far as to say she’s depressed or suicidal and he has to let her down gently. He just needs more time, and he can finally get rid of her. (As per Cleveland Wright Jr’s Blog entries)
What’s really going on is that Cleveland Wright Jr won’t let her go completely.
Even if Cleveland Wright Jr was the one to end the relationship, he will keep most, preferably all, of his Exes in the queue. Even more disturbing is that those “glorious” times when he spends ten-day stretches with you is the time he is giving the silent treatment to his Ex; and when he subsequently disappears from your life, he’s gone to hoover her.
The Narcissist could well be dubbed The Constant Gardner because he is perpetually trolling for new targets, even though he always has a primary source of supply. Furthermore, he is continuously ending relationships for various reasons, especially with those who require a lot of “maintenance” (i.e. normal human interactions) or have stopped giving him money or sex.
However, Narcissists typically don’t let go of their Exes completely. They’ve been known to contact old flames out of the blue, sometimes as long as ten years post-breakup!
If Cleveland Wright Jr or your partner is playing these juvenile love games (e.g. disappearing, hiding his cell phone, accusing you of being overly jealous, ad vomitum), then there is a very good chance that he is tending his Garden of Supply. But, you can turn the situation around by planting your own seeds of hope for a better future.
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This is my X to a Big T lol
This is spot on. Phone calls at night…silent treatment….secrets…accusations of being insecure…cheating….Thank you. This was very helpful.
@Alice – A pattern of Cleveland Wright Jr’s is that he always targets women from outside of the Buffalo, NY area. His targets are mainly women from other countries. This behaviour gives him plenty of time to play with his other victims, without each victim catching onto his cheating and lying behaviour. With different time zones, managing all his girlfriends at the one time makes it easier for him.
It’s like a full-time job for him, and that’s why most of his relationships are short-lived. You can also see the disorder is taking a toll on his body as he has aged heaps since I exposed his scam. He looks withdrawn, looks old, not looking after himself, his beard is always messy, where he would always have it manicured. Maybe his always looked like this, but now that I know the real CWJR and what his about all I can say is repulsive ? ☠️
he had saggy balls and still think k there so hot!..delusional brain. damage for sure
OMG! ??? This is so true… ? I forgot… ?♀️
I told you it was my worst experience haha! ??
thank you for making a nasty subject make sense with a sense of humor!
Yep saggy balls and faces and they will go for the neediest woman in the room. They can spot an abused and neglected woman. It’s the only supply they can get, Only to further abuse.
The narcissists in your life are your wake up call! When you do the internal work you will realize that you alone are enough! Once you move beyond all the negative vibrations like anger, pain, doubt, fear then you will see your true self. You need to work on your inner traumas and once those traumas have been healed the narcissist, sociopath or psychopath no longer has the power over you.
@the writer, Yes! Through my experience going through a relationship like this really grounded me in who I am! It really was a gift. It hurt very much but I’ll never doubt myself or allow toxic company.
@Nicole D There is just no doubt that some survivors post-relationship learn so much about themselves, eventually, we become grateful for the lessons.
Never the abuse, but the LESSONS.
How to stop people-pleasing behaviour, set boundaries, become AUTHENTIC.
That authenticity is a GIFT. ?
Fantastic, logically on target summary. It was very helpful in understanding that what I had experienced was a pattern of manipulating behaviors for this personality type. Kudos!
My narcissist goes off Facebook completely when he is tending his garden. I heard he tell his friend he was ashamed at the state of our marriage and didn’t want people to Know we are divorcing after less than a year of marriage……about 10 months later than I would have preferred! Thank you for the great info and the help it provides in our understanding and healing.
Here is what I wrote my ex narc Chris, of over 2 yrs together \ not together! Funny how I spoke everything you have done and why to you before even doing the research! It’s like I wrote them already! That’s because all you narcissists have the same traits and work off the same scripts. The purpose of you alls existence is to wake us normal people up and become stronger and aware of the destruction your capable of so we can run and avoid being infected and injected by the evil entities of the narcissist.
They will hoover forever- not just 10 years. My ex-fiancee still hoovers over 30 years later!
That’s when I know he’s in-between victims
Hey, how to say that sometimes the silent treatment from a Narcissit is because of their unexposed homosexuality, even to themselves. That their own denial enrages them.
Hi Kim…this is actually quite common. Many narcissists are closeted gays and use this to further devalue their partners and make them feel undesirable.
I have suspected for a long time that my ex-partner was a closeted gay and have had many others confirm their suspiscions now that we’re separated. This makes sense since they see this as an imperfection and cannot accept it themselves.I had no idea it was acommon trait.Thank you for verifying this for me
I agree completely about the homosexuality thing .
Once they realise you know what they are about it does enrage them. They go into ‘hiding’. Whether it’s fear of exposure , I don’t know. I saw plenty of examples of his possible homosexuality or bisexuality – he glossed it all over – said it was ‘fluctuations’ – too weird for me.
I’m an open person. He wanted complete acceptance of him as a person but was the most self-centred, lying, cheating person I’ve ever met. And violent.
Was always telling me what ‘kind’ of woman he wanted – not me!!
Anything would enrage him including looks on my face . He would tell me I looked like a 70 year old (I’m 56). He lost all his teeth due to his alcoholism and drug taking. He never had any boundaries when it came to sex & drugs & having a ‘good’ time. I got sick of being at the pub every day. There is another life outside that lifestyle but he never wanted to see it. Just boozing on & picking up women & blokes wherever he could.
I eventually saw him for what he was. He never once asked me how I felt – I was just used for his supply, then devalued & discarded like an old shoe. It’s been the most debilitating 5 years of my life & im glad it’s over.
He always told me I was the one with the problem – and yes, my problem was him!! But he always came back – not because he really loved me, but because he feared someone else may ‘take’ me. I realise that now. Well now, he’s likely found another victim but we’ve broken up so many times & got back together only to re-enact the same scene. It doesn’t bother me now. I’m sure this must be the 7th time – I read somewhere that’s how many times it takes to let go.
I believe in karma but I also believe in respect . This man has NO respect for women who have supported him all his life, including his mother. He treats all women with disdain and disrespect. A part of me always felt sorry for him, but he’s driven any compassion out of me. I’m glad I still had some strength left.
Some men truly are evil , nasty people.
I’ve been bashed so many times and emotionally and verbally abused over the last 5 years. He always told me my last partner did this to me – but he was a piece of cake in comparison. This man does not deserve a good woman.
Thank you for the LIVE feed today x
@Maria – Cleveland Wright Jr is a closet bisexual. Before I knew he was a sociopath, I did question him about being bi. Some of the things that he was saying and his behaviour gave it away. I knew he was Bi.
The mind fuckery from this deadbeat led me to understand he has gay family members, which made more sense with his sexuality.
Being an African American, he tries to come across as a tuff guy, but really he is a COWARD, bully, manipulator, deadbeat as a husband, significant other and father. As you mentioned, it enrages them as they take years to build their false self. They can’t dare to be exposed! Oops!
This type of behavior is a Pattern and that is what this article so eloquently points out. Thos of us who have been in a relationship w a narcissist will understand exactly what this is. I’ve had enough relationships in my life to be able to compare a normal one with normal arguments and behaviors even leaving from time to time or not apeaking for a few hrs as to cool off. But a narcissist takes this to a whole other level….and it is pathological behavior and devestating to the partner
Yes, it’s completely different than normal ups and downs in a normal relationship. It’s insanity and so so so destructive.
I realize this NOW, but at the time it was the most confusing thing on the earth!
And how textbook for them to act the same way! I was bombarded with attention and time and gifts and love for three straight months and then BOOM he was just GONE, all the freaking time. When he moved in he was coming home so late it was crazy! He always had a reason.
The weird “disagreements” we’d get in confused the heck out of me. I had never EVER in my entire life met someone like him. When I realized the cheating I was already pregnant.
The horrible things he said about me and how he was triangulating 3 women at one time with others on the side that had literally not one clue who he really was!
I spent 12 ridiculous painful, abusive months after that, trying to figure out who the hell was sleeping next to me. Then he started sleeping over at other people’s houses. That was the end. I finally just started reading his text messages to prove to myself that I was with a monster. And boy did it prove it. When I gathered everything and filed a restraining order against him he went and married his ex girlfriend less than 3 weeks later.
I was actually shocked. He’s abused her more and longer and more often than anyone.
So, I kind of pity her and kind of don’t. If she’s still so clueless as to who he really is and is choosing this again when she knows so much? That’s all on her. He’s completely discarded me and our child.
I think it’s better that way, honestly. I’ve been reading how horrible family court cases with NPD parents can be.
Loved the live feed ❤️ Keep up the good work
@Daisy – Most Narcissists are all textbook. It’s like they read the same manual, that’s how predictable they are.
It takes about 3mths to have you committed to the Narcissist and then it’s up to the supply on how long they can go tolerating the abuse and their lying and cheating behaviours.
Once the Narcissist knows they have you hooked, they start to devalue you and start securing new supply.
My friendship with this narcissist only lasted 8mths on/off. Really when you look at it I went NC for 2 of those 8mths, so I only put up with his abuse for 6mths, before I discarded him.
It took me a while to understand why some women stay longer in these toxic relationships. After learning about NPD, it’s my understanding that these women are weak-willed. These women are too scared to be alone, need to be in a relationship, have been on their own for too long, been raised in a toxic environment and don’t know anything different, have no self-esteem, no confidence, no boundaries, so they’re just settling for scraps, and will tolerate Cleveland Wright Jr’s abuse.
I’m not a jealous person and I don’t get jealous of other women, so his triangulation had no effect on me. Even though it was funny to watch. I know he uses my persona to triangulate other women. ?✌️
@cab lol… ?? I miss you girl ❤️ You were on fire today ???
“Don’t Fall For A Dog Who Has Eyes For Every Bitch” ?
lol. The Live session was great. It’s been awhile
Thank you to all those who participated and who have joined the Surviving Narcissist Abuse community ?
They are feeling anger and rage at you. They use the silent treatment to punish you. It is a manuplation tactic for you to give in and be subservient so they don’t have to be responsible and accountable for their actions. Then they can blame shift, because they think they are the victim and hold you accountable for what happened. Then comes the smear campaign.
It’s to make time for their other supplies. It works well for them once they have you on tenterhooks. When they are with you, you can bet they’re giving their other supplies the silent treatment. It goes on and on like this because these people are depraved. They juggle peoples emotions like they’re at the circus while you mope around like a sad pathetic clown. Give them back their silent treatment and then some. Learn not to give a shit because they certainly don’t.
Control, control, control.
The silent treatment is the first stage of being tested as to vulnerability and boy do narcissists love vulnerable people. The amber nectar of potential candidates.
By upping the contact ante when faced with withdrawal this indicates just how keen you have become and are therefore ripe for further exploitation. They will keep you dangling for just as long as they think necessary to inflict maximum pain. Two options, face the pain and walk away or become fully compliant in future dealings. Most people go for the latter.
The slightest transgression will be met with more of the same but in addition expect a heavy dose of regular criticism thrown in for added measure.
The silent treatment is always the first stage of a narcissists attempt at controlling you. Walking away is always easier said than done but by far the best path to walk.
It is a big weapon for them. Basically they use it to keep you within their web of control. Just like their other weapons, narcissists will use the silent treatment to get a rise or reaction out of you. The very first time my narcissist employed the silent treatment on me (and yes, he actually said the words “silent treatment” as if he was putting a spell on me), I was a sucker who didn’t react well to it at all. I went running after him like a wimp whining “oh no! Don’t do the silent treatment! Please don’t. Please promise you won’t use the silent treatment”. This was at a time when I was not aware this person was a narcissist, OR I may have known but decided to keep giving this person a chance. But now, a few years later, I’ve done a complete 180 and I now use the silent treatment on them. And I enjoy it. They’ll occasionally fight back with smear campaigns or gaslighting. But the key is to not let them know any of their tactics are getting to you.
Silent treatment is used when a narcissist wants you to doubt urself, you may be starting to figure them out. So they pick up they’re game ,when they realize they’re about to loose they’re slave. Use this silent treatment as a break from all the mental poison you’d otherwise receive. Boundaries of course are a sign of strength, narcs can’t have that either. The silent treatment sometimes back fires because it’s a very cold and inhumane tool to use on anyone ;which reveals how much they don’t care about you. Control,and supply are all that matter to the narc. Once the narc realizes that the silent treatment’s not working be prepared for anything!! This is also when some go no contact. It’s time to start loving urself by not subjecting urself to anymore abuse. Dr. Love out.
Great to have you back ladies ☺️
Thank You for the support Anthony
The narc knows just like we know most decent human beings do not do well when someone is literally ignoring them or acting like one doesn’t even exist.
This is a narc game from they’re little dirty trick bag. While you’re running around in circles trying to figure out what you have done to be treated this way.
Trust me you haven’t done anything to warrant this bad behavior it’s about the narc controlling your feelings that’s what the silent treatment is all about with them.
This to me is so disrespectful and childish and most highly functional narcs act just like little children.
The narc world is, it’s goung to be my way or no way. So I will just pretend like you’re not here until you give me what I want and when I want it.
This is only my opinion and my views on how my two highly functional narcs treated me in my past life.
However from my experience and research, it appears to me the silent treatment is given in the scenarios below:
you have pissed them off and injured their ego
They want you to suffer and beg for them back
3. They have found somebody new
4. You have been discarded
I realize there are more, basically these are the most common I know.
All of the above! I’ve pissed this narcissist off big time. I did welcome his silent treatments, it made moving on so much easier. Living well and having fun = Peace… Staying NC is CHECKMATE! Game Over!!!
They do it to punish. They do it to communicate that you mean nothing to them. All of us are capable of going silent when someone hurts us, however, most of us will speak if the person tries to talk to us in a sincere way to work it out. The way someone with NPD uses the silent treatment is cold, dismissive and cruel. I think the intended message is “you’re dead to me.” It seems like they want you to feel like you are nothing. If I’m wrong about this, I would like to hear the corrections from the self aware people with NPD. When I have experienced this, I became aware that I was, in fact, nothing to them and had been nothing all along. It’s what made me realize that I had to end the relationship.
@Elizabeth Mc This is true. Cleveland Wright Jr at times mentioned I will never find anyone like him, that’s why I’m where I am in life ?That’s the point, you taught me I don’t want you or anyone like you. Anyone with an evil soul is ugly. ?
The passive aggression is a method of control used by emotional or mental abusers, to neutralize your attempts to call them on their toxic behavior, to maintain further control and to escape responsibility for the damage caused to the other person by their actions. The silence is deaf and agonizing, especially to tho’s who love that person deep down inside or to tho’s who are connected to that person with their heart, soul and empathy. Do not confuse passive aggression with Discard, passive aggression is not a form of Discard, it’s a form of childish control who is used by childish people who lack the open communication skills and follow a pattern of one sided relationship, you do it my way or you don’t do it at all, especially from the people that lack the ability to Love someone or simply the people that lack Affectionate/Emotional empathy, meaning that people that Idealize or get obsessed with the other person for a short period of time, they never love the person, however they love the way that the specific person makes them feel about themselves.
Passive aggression is shelving the significant other on the book shelf, it could be to snipe reactions, it could be that the abuser is bored and he has already replaced you with someone new, and he is shelving you as an old wounded toy, since you are his or her possession and he can take you back whenever he or she needs you, basically if you allow the to.
5 months silent treatment. I have taken myself to the movies, taken myself to dinner. Most of all the money i used to spend on the narc i have enjoyed spending on myself. Who needs that loser?
haha! I am sooo proud of you. It feels awesome not spending money on someone who doesn’t appreciate it!! ?
Unwittingly, they train you to be Without Them. And in that aloneness, you are also given the greatest gift – training to be self sufficient. Stay strong ??
The easiest way that I know of to spot a true narcissist is to call them on something, anything – big or small, it doesn’t matter which. If someone’s immediate response to being called out or questioned is to become defensive and blame you for their behavior while taking zero responsibility, you are dealing with a narcissist and should run run run far far away
ignore them and their pathetic games. Focus your attention on anything and anyone but them, show them you don’t care, that boils them right up! Sweet revenge ?
?Truth… ?The best revenge is to move on without them and their dramatic lives. When you are at peace with yourself, life is more FUN!
They pretend to be naive & victims to begin with, then they brag, are conceited about the very ordinary appearance and lame sense of humour. Dating sites are a perfect source of validation and anonymous sex
Reading all of the comments on this site is such good therapy ! thank you
In fact, they fear you after any long duration of abuse or silent treatment for many reasons. They fear rejection, yet, they act impulsively. A narcissist will leave you after a short argument over adding a teaspoon of sugar to your coffee. However, then they realize that their decision was stupid and they want to return, but the fear that you will rightly tell them just how wrongly they behaved prevents them from returning. It’s like a poorly behaved child who runs away because the parent gave a short time-out and then the child is afraid to return because he or she will have to face the consequence of the stupid, impulsive decision.
The other reason that narcissists fear you after silent treatment or any abuse is the fact that narcissists live in a H*** of their own making. They thrive on abusing people, either outright or covertly (silent treatment) and then they become scared that the person has planned retribution against them for their behaviors, so they hide more in fear and pretend to be the victim. The truth is, the victim is not likely planning any kind of revenge because narcissists pick a certain type of victim: quiet, full of empathy, possibly religious, and caring. They select people whom they know will not enact revenge, yet, they get scared and don’t trust their own judgement after they are finished manipulating and abusing.
The last thing: narcissists are very jealous of their victims. They select victims who have talents that they wish that they had and then punish them for those talents. Narcissists hide after relationships and do little annoying things (blocking and unblocking) for this reason. They want to know what the victim is doing in life, but get upset and block the victim if he or she is doing better or has a higher status in life. Basically, they want to ruin the victim to the point in which he or she can’t function at all in life and they want the victim to stay on the floor and never get up. When you get up and fly, they get jealous and block.
Oh yes Lord….Whores on the loose…or they’re looking for supply… entertaining sleeping with prospects…making illegal deals… basically making u look stupid in the streets…in my experience…my family went to Myrtle Beach SC for family reunion…he didn’t want to go..first red flag…he didn’t text or call me for 6 days…second red flag… ATTENTION….they’re all bonified losers….BUYER BEWARE!!!!!!
@ Rita C You’re so right. The ex narc loser trolls the streets looking for prostitutes, because no attractive, classy woman wants anything to do with him. What a life! ??? Damn. I ran for the hills and never stopped running ??
@ Rita C Congratulations…good for you and me….ain’t life great!!!!!
@Diva R Yes!! Life is amazing once you discard these degenerates and get back on a high level frequency with like-minded healthy people?
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