Why do Narcissists text everyday or call and declare their love for you but yet does not care to make time for you?
The answer is kind of a mindfuck but needs to be understood. Contrary to love you, the Narcissist views you as weak, easy prey because love to the Narcissist is a flaw, and it repulses them. So in truth, you are the object of narcissistic hatred if you do love them, although their keeping you hooked creates trauma bonding. Trauma bonding makes it hard for victims of narcissist abuse to leave and this exactly where the Narcissist wants to keep you. They do not want you to move on even though the “relationship” with them is tortuous and tumultuous.
So the Narcissist couldn’t care less about you as a person, but they do like the fringe benefits they get by being engaging in relationships with multiple sources. They hate to part with these benefits so Narcissists love to string you along with constant and annoying phone calls and texts all about nothing but will be sure to inject “I love you” just frequently enough so you tolerate this barrage of blowing up your phone with meaningless messages, much ado about nothing.
So think about this: You are the object of narcissistic dislike or hatred when you feel and show human emotions for them, yet they need you and suck you dry like an emotional vampire to extract from you what they need to survive as a narcissist! This could be money, shelter, caretaking/ housekeeping duties and anything that absolves them of adult responsibilities because Narcissists are childish, selfish individuals who never successfully launch as adults. They are addicts by nature, especially sex addicts, so they’ll always carry on affairs with others. And straight up, just as you said they’d make very little time for you especially after your primary faux relationship has ended and they’ve returned to take advantage of whatever particular fringe benefits you offer.
These calls and texts and expressions of love from the Narcissist are nothing more than breadcrumbing, doing the bare minimum to keep you hooked as they entitle themselves to your taking care of their needs on a whim, their agenda, but in return, they’ll make little time for you. They won’t take you out, hold your hand, spend money on you, take time to listen to your wants and needs, and especially will be absent in times of need. They’re in a relationship with themselves; you are just an extension. But you’ll be expected to be there for them as needed and endure their use and abuse.
One of the key things to remember after you’ve escaped a relationship with a Narcissist which always equates to a highly toxic and abusive engagement, do not answer any calls or texts!
This is called breadcrumbing and it’s a manipulative tactic to keep you bonded/hooked to the narcissist. Whenever they have contact with you, they derive fuel from that interaction. Your response, whether negative or positive, is a source of fuel supply.
Essentially, your place in his fuel matrix is as a veiled secondary source – you’re a part of the narc harem. They do this as a back up plan when either they’re not being satisfied by their primary fuel supply source or they just want a quick ego boost.
The only way to break free of this sick AF cycle is to go complete no contact. That means just what it implies. Do not respond to contact from the narc of any kind, shut it down (any and all access to you), and that includes any flying monkeys he may send your way on his behalf. They’re very sneaky and conniving so be aware of this hoover manipulation.
If you give in and respond, he will realize he still holds you bonded to him and will continue to hoover you until you’re right back in the narc loop again – idealization, devaluation and discard. Next…
This is what they do on dating sites. They will say that they live far away when they live in the next town or in another country. They will never come to see you. They will say that they are coming and then an emergency comes and they need you to send them some money. They have set you up as a target for a supply of cash. They may also be enjoying your adoration. It depends on the particular narcissist. These are criminals committing fraud. They might be making a living at it. It is sad what people are capable of. Jesus said that out of the heart can come these kinds of things so we are to guard our hearts.
This is TRUE Janette. ?
You can find The Real Cleveland Wright Jr on many Dating Sites. I became suspicious once I typed his name into the search bar and did not return any results, but he was still actively seeking and chatting via the sites messaging service.
If someone has something to hide, it’s a RED FLAG! The only reason people hide their profile is because they’re married, significant other, girlfriend, dating, etc; ‘CHEATERS’
Besides Dating Sites you will also find this guy, like all Narcissists using social media to prey on the innocent.
On another note for this Narc to come from a big city like BUFFALO, NY why does this guy search for women outside of his home town and Country ?
Another RED FLAG to watch out for…
They do it because that is what they are – totally self absorbed.
What you need to do is decide whether you want to part of their lives and thus be at their beck and call and always be prepared to respond at a moments notice.
If you do you will always be just a drone who who has to respond in a way that they allow you to do so. Is that what you really want?
The alternative is to tell them to Fuck Off and then block them on every social media site you are on.
Guess which of the two options I would go for?
This was my narc 100%. Thanks for making this so clear. He would love bomb then ignore me for weeks. When I would call him out on the silent treatment he thought it was comical. He would laugh and say yeah that’s just how I am.
Wow! Spot on! They get pleasure in seeing your reaction through their manipulations! ?Yuck! I went through this and soooo lived this! ABUSE!
Keep up the good work guys! I can’t wait for you to release more articles and videos.
Good Luck in exposing this dirtbag!!!!
Thank You Barbara ❤️
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I really hate that people have to be like this..thank God I came across your videos and websites sooner rather than later. I always knew something was wrong with this man I had children with… I noticed pretty early on. but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was… I had no real idea what the term “narcissist” meant. he started to make me think something was wrong with me. he preyed on me young… I feel blessed to know these people exsist and what to beware of. Dealing with this covert Narc but I’m finally free. Thank you Lord
I agree. I used to really wonder if he was married, because he strung me along. He’d text a hundred times a day and say he couldn’t stop missing me, yet go 3–4 weeks without seeing me. As I told him, “A man only puts in time and effort for a woman he wants. Anything else is just a text buddy or ego boost. Nothing more.”
So true I have had one text me after 13 months of me finding out he was with another women, he had lots of women on his phone, texting them, just friends he said , I thought he was my soul mate, the hurt I have gone through, I won’t be going back there again thank you for people like you , it has given me strength
Oh yes, the good ol’ “we’re just friends” story ?♀️ Most of the girls on his social media pages are full of exes. His trophy board. WTF! and these people still lie even after they’ve been caught out
Yeah with 217 unread text messages and apps like Wunder..i missed a lot of red flags.
Ah, the old narc confusing behaviour trick. This is the way they are. What they say and what they do never match up.
You will be driven nuts if you try to make sense of it. This is narc world, where normal rules do not apply. Please walk away from this person if he or she is a narc. It will end in tears (yours, not theirs). It might be funny if there wasn´t such a sinister side to it. And now learn about narcissism. It will pay enormous dividends in your life.
Narcs are unpleasant people, self-obsessed and simply not nice to be around. They damage people, as this idiot has damaged and hurt you.
So I am on a campaign to educate everyone about narcissism, and the dangers thereof. My little answers can only provide a snapshot, in relation to a tiny aspect of narcissism, and it is a big subject, so you need to study it to understand it properly. This will pay enormous dividends. You will be able to better deal with any narcs you are stuck with, like relatives, and will be able to see what is going to happen if you have the misfortune to be in a relationship with one, so I am recommending everyone learns about it by reading. And you will be able to spot one at a hundred yards, and take evasive action.
Everyone normal should become an expert on narcissism. This is surprisingly easy, because they always act the same, all the time, and they do the same things to people over and over again. There is a narc pattern. So one good book will do it. The best book I ever found on narcissism generally is Prepare to be Tortured- the price you will pay for dating a narcissist. AB Jamieson, Amazon.
This is why I always recommend it. It covers all the layman needs to know about narcissism, and is written in a clear, concise, colloquial way, without psychobabble, which is all too common in books of this nature. Someone asked me if I get a kickback from sales. I wish. No, I don´t, I simply want everyone to know about narcissism, and this is like a layman´s guide, the best I have found. If I find a better one, I will recommend that. It goes through the pattern, which is really helpful if you want to know what is ahead of you and how the whole thing will play out.
It starts off with relationships but then moves on to chapters on narcs with money, narcs and control, narcs as friends and colleagues etc. It is the book of my life, and the life of any victim of any type of narcissistic abuse, and is very helpful to recovery. It also, very usefully, has a list of traits- red flags, so you can identify them, stay away from them, and live a narc-free life. You will never regret it.
☝️ Yes! It’s been the best thing since going no contact. Narc Free. I defiantly don’t miss the abuse, name calling, all the drama, the lies, BS stories, the triangulation etc; Looking back at the friendship now, I saw the red flags from our first video chat and I tried to remove myself each time but he sucked me back in with all the hoovering attempts. I was weak back then feeding him supply. Not now, I’ve come out of this a stronger wiser badass MF ?
Thank you, Edward! x x x
Because whatever it is they want from you, they’re already getting it without making the effort to see you. If they are already getting the attention and affection they’re craving from you or someone else theres little reason for them to put themselves out by scheduling to see you, driving there, ect. Their declarations of love are made to only insure that the supply their getting continues.
As they say, once you have to start googling someone else’s behaviour its time to move on!
Know your worth ?
It is a way to ‘secure’ their supply. Everything is always ALL ABOUT THEM and they do whatever they can to keep their supply ‘on tap’ at all times. NOTHING is ever about the supply/victim…..EVER!!! They are just hoping that ‘you’ are so needy that you will stick it out and wait for whenever they feel like paying any ‘real’ attention to you. So, in the meantime texting & calling will suffice!
Thank you! Sharon.
True. They inundate you with phone calls, messages, texts, video chats etc; putting you on that pedestal. Once they know your flying on that high they’ve given you and they know you are hooked or latched onto them that’s when they start to devalue you and the abuse and the mind fuckery starts. It’s not about you, it’s about them bringing you down to their level and depleting your soul.
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