When You Discard an Abusive Narcissist First
Many books, articles and online platforms for abuse survivors often focus on what happens when a narcissistic abuser ‘devalues’ and ‘discards’ their victims. Yet what happens when survivors are lucky enough to identify the abuse that is occurring to them and with the right support and resources, are able to leave their abusers first?
Unfortunately, what would otherwise be a path to freedom can be complicated by the predatory nature of malignant narcissists, whose severe sense of entitlement combined with an unnerving lack of empathy are intrinsic to their disorder. This is a dangerous combination that can result in the abuser sustaining what is known as a narcissistic injury (a threat to the narcissist’s sense of power and control) and subsequently, narcissistic rage.
This type of injury and rage manifests in different ways. According to Dr. Sarkis, narcissistic abusers are likely to do everything possible to win back their victims if they suspect they are on the verge of leaving. Yet this also applies to after their victims leave, as well. To explore what can happen when a survivor leaves his or her narcissistic abuser first and how survivors of narcissistic abuse can protect themselves in this vulnerable stage of their healing journey, I’ve listed the four main ways in which narcissists can act out their “injury” and pose potential harm to their victims, as well as some ways you can empower yourself during this precarious time.
Narcissistic Rage
This is what happens when You Discard Cleveland Wright Jr first.
Signs of an Abusive Narcissist
1. Stalking and harassment. Unless the narcissistic abuser had other sources of narcissistic supply (people who provided them a steady stream of attention, praise, admiration, resources, etc.) they were already grooming by the time you left, chances are that he or she was left blindsided by your departure – especially if you planned your departure quietly and safely. A normal partner may be understandably hurt by a break-up that was sudden and not mutual, but eventually, that partner would understand if you needed to end a relationship because it was causing you much more pain than happiness. At the very least, that partner would find some way to move forward with his or her life, knowing that you were not the one for them.
An abusive narcissist? He or she will fly off the handle when they realize that you’ve ‘one-upped’ them somehow and “beaten them” to the discard. Despite the fact that you were obviously in severe emotional and/or physical danger, the narcissist will perceive your escape as an abandonment, rather than a way to secure your safety and sanity from their psychological violence.
See, abusive relationships with a narcissist rely on an idealization-devaluation-discard cycle which enables the narcissist to degrade their victims and discard their victims without any accountability whatsoever. This cycle confirms the narcissist’s distorted sense of being superior to their victims. If the victim ‘discards’ the narcissist first, he or she upsets the power dynamic that bolsters the abuser’s desire for power and validation.
Remember: even if you left the relationship for legitimate reasons – such as for your own emotional and physical safety, your abuser still views the relationship as a competition. For you, the seemingly helpless and powerless victim, to leave first, sends them into a tailspin of fury and devastation. After all, how dare their victims forge the path to freedom, when they essentially ‘belong’ to the narcissist? That is how the narcissist thinks and believes: they truly see their victims as objects to be owned, controlled, mistreated and used as emotional punching bags, not as independent agents with free will.
Make no mistake: you deserve to live a life free of abuse. You have rights. You have boundaries. You have limits. The narcissistic abuser works to erode those boundaries and rights throughout the abusive relationship and sustain a parasitic connection with their victims; they leech off their victim’s resources, empathy, compassion and compliance. By leaving the narcissist first, you threaten their sense of ownership over you and their excessive need to control and gain from you what they cannot find in themselves.
That is why the devastation they feel at the loss of supply is not due to the loss of the survivor, but rather, the loss of power they once held over the survivor. Narcissists rely on narcissistic supply (anything in the form of praise, money, gifts, sex, attention, etc.) to survive their daily experience. They are “addicts” that zoom in on vulnerable targets – anyone they perceive to have high degrees of empathy and compassion – and exploit those targets for all they’re worth, sucking them dry emotionally, physically, and spiritually. They use their victims as trophies to give themselves access to the victim’s resources – status, wealth, the reputation of being with someone attractive and/or successful, as well as social proof of their normalcy.
When their victims are able to escape their grasp without all of their resources being fully exhausted, or right around the time when the narcissist is depending on another devaluation phase to feed himself or herself that daily high – they become inexplicably enraged.
It is no wonder, then, that narcissistic abusers are known to stalk their former victims months, sometimes even years, after the ending of the relationship, especially if their victims discarded them first. They might harass and stalk you in person, through e-mail, texting, phone calls, voicemails, or third-party contact. They may stalk you on your social media platforms and even engage in cyberbullying or threats. Their messages can range from threatening to love-bombing, and may vacillate between rage and tenderness, causing a confusing cocktail of emotions for their victims who simultaneously may want to be left alone but may also be concerned about whether the narcissist’s performances of remorse, pity ploys, or apologies are in any way authentic attempts at accountability.
The usual advice given to the survivor is to go No Contact with his or her abuser – but the sneakiest of narcissists will find their way around the barriers you place. It is actually very common for an abusive ex to linger far beyond the expiration date of the relationship, because abuse is all about power and control. In more extreme scenarios, an abusive partner may hack into your computer or phone and install spyware; they may obtain a plethora of fake IP addresses or fake accounts to cyberbully you on different social media platforms without it being traced; they may threaten you “anonymously” through different e-mail addresses or texts with messages that are meaningful to you but confusing to outsiders, in order to evade suspicion from law enforcement. Narcissists can even use various phone apps to mask their numbers and use multiple numbers to harass you all day long or bombard you with an excessive amount of messages per day. This leaves you with the rather dreary choices of blocking each and every number while a new one pops up, or changing your number altogether.
When stalking and harassment takes a severe emotional toll and you feel you are being re-traumatized, unable to move forward in your journey to healing, it may be time to consider taking legal action (if, and only if, you feel safe doing so) whether by reporting the harassment to the police and/or filing for an order of protection or restraining order.
Some survivors may not feel comfortable with this, as it has the potential of making their abusers even more vindictive and it may be even more traumatizing should the case proceed to court. Others may feel empowered by receiving legal documentation that will often make more cowardly narcissists back out of their schemes as soon as they realize they may face legal consequences for their actions.
Research the laws in your state about how to best protect yourself, understand which laws support you in documenting and recording the various forms of abuse and remember to also consult the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you have any questions about how to proceed in your specific situation.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure you’re taking some steps to document the harassment and stalking in case you ever need proof of it. Let those you trust know about what is occurring as well as your whereabouts. At this time, for your own safety, you need to be able to seek support and ‘check in’ with those who can help you – whether it be with a trusted friend, family member, therapist or all of the above.
Never forget: the time when an abuse victim is leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the most dangerous points in the abuse cycle. Please take care of yourself and do what you feel is most emotionally and physically safe as well as practical for you. Don’t discount your intuition, either – it can save your life.
2. Devaluation and Jekyll and Hyde hoovering. After the breakup, the character of the narcissistic abuser can become disturbingly clear – and dangerous. Malignant narcissists will usually attempt to sweet-talk you back into the relationship with promises of change, faux remorse for their misdeeds, and feigned accountability for their actions. They may romanticize the relationship and re-idealize you, taking back all their hurtful words and actions in one fell swoop (or cleverly constructed text message). This is known as hoovering, and it is when, like a Hoover vacuum, the abuser attempts to “suck” their victim back into the abuse cycle.
Yet when you fail to comply with their demands to meet up, reconcile, remain friends or you resist the idealization in any way, abusive narcissists revert back to their true, vindictive selves. Pulling the signature Jekyll and Hyde moves they subjected you to during the relationship, they devalue you all over again, engaging in name-calling, cruel insults and demeaning remarks about your personality, your lifestyle, appearance, talents, career – anything and everything they can pull in to make you feel small, undesirable and unworthy.
For you to say “no” (even politely) and set boundaries is akin to setting off an atomic bomb in the narcissist’s eyes. It sends them into a frightening rage as they realize they can no longer control you and that you are actively resisting their hoovering attempts. Even if you are not verbally expressing anything, you are essentially saying “no” firmly through your actions, your silence and by refusing to get ensnared once more into the traumatic vortex of the relationship.
Your abuser had, after all, hoped that you would react just as you had all the other times you had reconciled with them after incidents of abuse – denying, minimizing or rationalizing the abuse while accepting the crumbs of their love-bombing efforts. Instead, they are left with a void in which they must try to secure other supply, lest they have to confront any need for possible self-evaluation.
Even if they are securing other supply after the break-up, it doesn’t mean they are done with you yet – they may still continue to harass and stalk you, taunting you and debasing you in order to regain a sense of power and control. They may text or call you while they’re with their new partners, to further minimize, provoke and compare you. They may swoop periodically in and out of your life through these hoovering tactics, so they can gain supply in the form of your emotional reactions.
3. Post-breakup triangulation. Once the narcissist has secured new supply, they’ll want you to know about it. That is why, on the No Contact journey, I always recommend that survivors block their narcissistic abusers as well as their harem members on all social media platforms, because even just one accidental look into their Facebook or Instagram can send you back into a downward spiral of self-doubt and self-blame if a new victim pops up shortly after the breakup.
Survivors who “discarded” the narcissist first may have an emotional advantage, in that they may be more fully connected to the reality of who the abuser is. These survivors may have resolved some of the cognitive dissonance that arose during the relationship, and successfully battled the fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) that occurs due to the traumatic nature of this form of relationship. They know why no new victim should ever be envied, as these new victims too will also go through the same horrific cycle.
Still, any survivor is still vulnerable to post-breakup triangulation (the deliberate manufacturing of love triangles to control and devalue you) whether online or in real life because survivors are still in the process of healing from their “addiction” and trauma bond to the narcissist. This leaves them susceptible to further emotional manipulation, unnecessary comparisons and excessive gloating from their abusive ex-partner. To avoid this, be gentle with yourself and very firm with your boundaries so that you can remove temptation or the risk of encountering the abuser altogether.
Ensure that you are avoiding places that you know the narcissistic abuser frequents; remove any form of contact with their harem members; be mindful of any urges to ever reach out to or reestablish contact with a narcissistic partner, as they may be prone to using those instances to brag about their new supply.
4. Smear campaigns and threats. If you discarded the narcissist first without warning, they are sure to be desperate to reframe the narrative about you as soon as possible. This is because in breaking up with them first, you unintentionally ‘exposed’ who they truly were as well as the hidden nature of the abusive relationship – and exposure is one of the narcissist’s greatest fears. Breaking up with a narcissist threatens their very sense of security because it could potentially rip off their false mask and reveal the true self to their harem members.
Many narcissists begin the smear campaign even before any devaluation begins by sneaking in hints to their family members or friends about your shortcomings or projected abusive traits (which are in fact their own) and provoking you publicly throughout your relationship. Smear campaigns are often staged successfully when the narcissistic abuser has access to both his or her harem group as well as your social network. However, if you never introduced the narcissist to your friends or your family, and if you are able to gain validation from within after the break-up, the smear campaign might be less effective.
The narcissist may still find other ways of slandering you – shortly after you leave them, they may threaten to release your personal information, such as private photos, text messages, videos or otherwise confidential discussions; they may stalk and harass you online; they may contact others who know you as a way to gain information about you. The means in which they can desperately try to regain a sense of control over your life are endless – but the portal to inner peace is not as impossible to reach as you may think.
Remember: all smear campaigns rely on the idea that the abuse victim is unable to self-validate and cope without the approval of others. The truth is, there may be legal ways to protect yourself against slander or the release of private information depending on the state you live in; you can still report the narcissist for harassment if they try to reach you via a third party; you can get professional support that helps to validate your experiences of the abuse and regain a sense of emotional freedom and security within yourself. As survivors, we still have choices, even if those choices primarily lie within doing what we can to seek out resources and help.
Undoubtedly, this can be a difficult time, but all we can control is how we approach the situation and empower ourselves. Research what you can do legally to protect yourself. Build support networks that help to validate your experiences and strengthen your resolve to detach from the toxicity and focus on your own inner peace. Explore alternative and traditional healing modalities that can reconnect you with a healthier mind, body and spirit. Find assistance anywhere and everywhere – through domestic violence hotlines, lawyers, support groups, therapists, life coaches, books, articles – you name it, it can all be used to propel yourself towards healing and a brighter future.
Envision yourself being in a better place than the situation you’re currently in. Know your own worth and celebrate being finally free at last from your abuser. In knowing your inner power and trusting in your ability to survive seemingly insurmountable odds, you’ll realize that you are much more powerful than you might think. You were powerful enough to leave your abuser and survive the abuse – don’t underestimate how powerful you can be in thriving after it.
Unmasking Sociopath “The Real Cleveland Wright Jr” @ clevelandwrightjr.is
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74 comments
if you don’t go along with the narcissists delusional life, they target you. they must look like the winner or the good one. they have the mentality of a 3 year old or worse.
I discarded this monster after the fog I was in that rollercoaster ride from hell, I was saying to myself I’m going too be hurting if I stay any longer with that beast, He thought I was so In love with him that I would never leave, and I was in love with him, but I loved me more, he almost destroyed me that’s why I got out of dodge! He tried that lovebombing crap but it didn’t work, he tried hoovering me in October and coming to my home and job, I shut his ass down! Changed my number on that creature! I recommend anyone who’s out stay out! Life will be good again once you give the monster the boot!
CA, omg your situation is same as mine!!!! Slammed that door shut forever!!! I always say” We can be in pain with them or with out them” atleast in time the pain WILL end, it will NEVER end with them!! Keep STRONG keep loving U and stay NC?
yup I’m done I said to him when I was leaving your phone will ring but guaranteed it will never be me, sit and wait you’ll never her my voice again!
@CA You go girl, strong brave and courageous, you are too much. Never turn back like Lots wife and turn into a pillar of salt. There is a no win situation with the narcissist and I am glad it has dawned on you. There are so many good men out there who will appreciate and love you genuinely so keep your heart open and go for it. So inspiring your story I am in the process of getting rid of mine and i will never look back ever. He has been given the boot for good!!!
CA, I’ve jumped off the crazy boat ride. After becoming suicidal and too chickenshit to follow through I decided a cared about my life more. The more time i spent away from the narc, the more that I seen the problems and all the chaos originated around him and not me.
@ca – thanks for the straight talk.
You are incredible CA ❤️
An educated empath will eventually leave the narcissists once you let go of the hope and accept the truth about who they are! The back and fourth… Bad and good and fight or flight will force you to leave.
Mine didn’t like it I don’t think.
There’s obviously a lot more to this story but fast-forward to: I’d already been no-contact for two months, growing stronger by the day because of his silent treatment. I actually felt I had the power knowing he was wondering why the fuck I wasn’t grovelling asking him to stay, what happened or giving “negative fuel” to him HRH The King. I acted like he hadn’t even happened to me. I just totally disappeared without drama, without fanfare. It must’ve driven him nuts I went equally quiet. I knew I had to get the hell out of Dodge so I had it in me to stay away but he didn’t know this. That was my secret weapon.
Then I topped it off – unknowingly – by disappearing and deactivating my FB because I wanted a break from it and to write a novel without distractions; but a month later I reactivated it just to videocall an overseas friend for half an hour to discover I had been unfriended by someone. My friend count had gone down by one person in a month. I knew it was him — and it was. He had unfriended me! I got some kind of satisfaction from that. He’d obviously typed my name into the search bar only to find I’d gone. I think he perceived my disappearing act from FB as something to do with him (because y’know, of course, your decisions about anything revolve around them) and so he dished out his “punishment” (haha, god they’re so predictable and serious!), and I got discarded, though of course AFTER I had already discarded him, and he wanted to either a) make me think he still called the shots by implying ‘you think you have the power but I have the last say in this you weak spineless object; OR b) he did it in the hope as a last-ditch effort and clever disguise to reel me back in and get a reaction out of his weak spineless object.
I deactivated again after my videocall and haven’t been on FB for a further four months so now, to him, it probably looks like I haven’t even noticed he’s unfriended me and hence don’t give a shit!
My narc was laughable. And when you find Narcs laughable you know you have finally separated your emotions from the situation and from them – and when you do that, my dear, you are finally free.
Hi Justina Thanks for Sharing ?
I savagely discarded him. I also threatened to reveal his secrets if he tried to smear me and that I know he never did love me. I never asked for closure or an apology. He was forced to settle with the low life chick who felt she won a trophy by entertaining his cheating on me LOL. I took my ticket out and RAN for my life.
I know he is shocked, he is too ashamed (not regretful, not sorry) ashamed to contact me. I also blocked him completely.
He knows I am the type to speak up and everyone at this point knows he has issues – if my experience with him matches others, he is screwed if I am forced to pull that mask off completely. He is afraid of me and would never let his future supplies know who I am – I threatened to reveal all to them if they contact me, after he damages them – which is 100% will. He is now forced to stay away…if he does try to hoover, he will be met with a wall. He strives on positive energy and self image. I can care less what he has to say about me – that is non of my business…unless it it disturbs my Busine$$ and safety.
He also knows that I will use the Law to demolish his illegal actions against me, swiftly. He will hide, disappear.
When you do not feed them, they cannot look at you for a meal – starve them. They will go away, hurt, angry and defeated.
You will second guess your decision and long for him, but not who he is, who you thought and hoped he was. It will be tough, but it gets better as time and healing take place.
If you can stay strong, you will find you really are way better off without him. Don’t believe the self doubt or times of loneliness. Learn as much as you can about narcissism and how it affects victims.
What happens after you leave is more dependent upon what you do. Do you want him more than you want genuine happiness? You broke it off this time, but if you take him back, he will be sure to break your heart and leave you. You did not put him in a position to see what is really important or to change. He may want retribution, but never will he want to see and own what he is.
You took the initiative to leave, so try to stay the course and have a healthy relationship with a non disordered man. It will be worth it.
You only think your narcissist has disappeared because you’ve discarded them. Narcissists always make it a point to revisit their victims unless the victims are hiding or have reestablished themselves with someone who won’t put up with the narcissist’s activities.
Once a narcissist has established himself in a victims life, they believe the victim is their’s forever. They can’t believe the victim still doesn’t love them and will always go back to torment or try to fire up the relationship again. They will be especially dogged in their efforts to get back if they are between victims because they need a constant supply of attention and adulation to feel normal.
This is True. Thank you for your comment Mike.
This is True.
No Contact is the way to go!
Discard is one of the phase of narcissistic abuse; lovebombing, devaluing, discarding; so I think what you want to ask is what happens when you go no contact with Narcissist. They will use other supplies or go hoover you back if they are low on supplies, and if this fails they may succumb to depression associated with low supplies. Normal person does not do discarding. Discarding and No Contact are not the same thing; usually the victim must go No Contact, in order to protect herself. Discard is executed by Narcissist in order to hurt the victim and for NPD obtain the fuel they live on, it’s how they feed themselves. So, When you go No Contact, they are not missing you, but they are missing how you made them feel;
“So, When you go No Contact, they are not missing you, but they are missing how you made them feel”
EXACTLY! ☝️
A true narcissist will be angry and vengeful, if you discard them. They will carry a grudge against you until they die. The only way to end this grudge or escape its wrath would be to pry it from their cold, dead fingers.
That does not mean that you should waste your precious life on a narcissist, but you must protect yourself by erecting a barrier between you and him that he cannot cross. You will need a new circle of friends, a new phone number, a new residence or at least a new set of keys. Block him on social media. Avoid frequenting places where you both used to go. This is all called “no contact.” You cannot give a narcissist any chance to hurt you in any way again, and that means cutting them out of your life and building a wall between the two of you.
EXACTLY!!!
This Narc done the same thing to me. As you mentioned, he became angry and vengeful. Then he unleashed his flying monkeys. It’s been over 12mths, NO CONTACT for me now and I know it pisses him and his flying monkeys off as they keep visiting these sites ?
#NFG ?
From experience, my Narcissist ex wasn’t expecting it and said he was surprised. They will either start a smear campaign about you to everyone they know cause they can’t look bad, try and Hoover to get you back then dump you so they can be the one who does the dumping, or leave you alone for the most part if they already are love bombing a future supply while they were with you. It really depends on the Narcissist and his current supply levels. But if you do which I highly suggest you do discard him ASAP, I suggest going no contact right after, don’t listen to a word he has to say, block his number and move on with your life cause he will remember that you did that and will come back at some point and try to Hoover you only to hurt you more intentionally, only this time even worse.
Thanks so much for taking the time to share Lynn, and for your love and support. ?
WOW. I would like to Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences. You all are so beautiful, wise, aware and I’m so glad that you’re out of the toxicity now. Thanks again – sharing your truth and experiences is not only therapeutic, but you’re helping so many by doing so ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks! Forget these clown narcs. They are such a joke. I left the ex narc no choice. He knew he lost the best thing in his miserable life, and that’s why he still hoovers and stalks 9 months after I discarded him. Pathetic. Leave them and watch them implode ??
Narcissist always stalk their victims or supply. Stay NO CONTACT.
Don’t believe anything they say. It’s all manipulation and a game to them ?
GIRLLLLLLLL #PREACH. I SOOOOOO NEEDED THIS TODAY.
Thank you! ?
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I don’t give a fuck now either and it feels amazing !! fuck this narc and his flying monkeys… hahaha ?
It’s not about them, it’s about you. You just leave. You heal, move on, and use this experience to never get entangled with another person like them again.
Remember it’s all about you. It’s about your state of mind. It’s about your health and your well-being. Your never going to make them hurt, feel sorry, and or care about anything they did to you.
Just go!! Block them! Ignore them! Start to rebuild your life. You’re not going to get closure. You’re not going to get answers. But you will get peace of mind. And Time Heals all wounds. And if they do pursue you, everything they tell you is a lie. If you go back to them you are going to suffer even more than you have in the past. Don’t take my word for it. Do the research yourself.
There are good people out there. When you’re ready, find somebody that makes you happy and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Don’t ever settle again. Don’t ever beg for scraps of love. And remember the most important thing, people will show you how they feel about you. You just need to see it and believe it.
This is True! ?
Thank you for Sharing Steven
Yep….they will keep using you, if you let them! But sometimes, its not just that they lose interest, we lose interest in their bullshit and they know we figure out what they are!!
Yes so they discard..
Thank you for your wisdom…Anyone who has dealt with a narc…realizes they are all the same…..they call you insecure if you catch them…they are pathetic… the more we learn about them…and come to truly understand they are sicko….then we can see how we are really too good for them….we actually have the advantage….we are not the issue..but we feel we bad when we are discarded……its human nature..its not that they are so great…. its that discard is torture…its like death of a loved one…. its just how we are as human…so once we realize that …and really look at them….we see them for the losers they are….. the pain is real..but not because they are so fly so great….its a inner thing… remember that when you fell for them…you were not on your A game…
One thing, IMO, that needs to be clear concerning narcissists (especially covert narcs like my ex) is that there’s no such thing as a “final discard”. And, regardless of relationship status (yours or theirs), they will try to contact you and hoover you again.
Knock on wood, she hasn’t tried to contact me yet, but she’s lurking. She’s extremely passive-aggressive and, as such, she’s likely waiting for me to contact her – but, if there’s any contact to be made, it’ll be on her end, as I want it documented that she’s the one trying to get back in contact incase any legal crap happens to arise down the road (one other thing with narcs is you’ve always got to be in “cover your own ass” mode with them).
We’ll see if she tries to hoover me – if she does, she’ll be in for a surprise….
Thank you for sharing Bassey!
On point. All true!
You just described my relationship to the narc.. everything you said is true.. everything! I was the primary source but thank the lord I discarded him.. porn, recovering alcoholic, broke, gambling,you name it , he’s done it.. everything ..I was a fool to believe the narc, but I woke up from the nightmare.. he was devaluing me while he was kicking it with another source to replace me.. treating me like crap the whole time.. I suspected it was someone else.. thank you for posting this .. you know them very well
he set me up..provoked me… demeaned me…I knew he was wanting me to react so that he could discard me….I watched him do that for 6 months….???in horror and disbelief ???
So true that you always kinda knew it coming. Why? ‘Cos deep down inside you can feel it; your inner gut always was whispering it to you, but we did not wanna listen. You never feel safe with them. They say they do not need anybody – lol – they can never be alone; they get bored & have no gratitude or modesty; Integrity & loyalty are words they do not remember. No real cowboy. Let’em move on.
YESSSS! Let them Go!
You deserve better Carol. You have so much to offer. Don’t waste it on toxic filth. ?
Yes, they can never be alone, that’s why they have multiple dating site profiles and social media profiles, and not forgetting their harem members.
He drained me in every way. I became severly depressed. His only response was “he had to have a good sex life”. Moved on to the next source and it didnt last 6 months. Now he’s in hiding like he just dissapeared in thin air.
The Fuckboy Mentailty! ?
They disappear for a number of reasons. They may have a new supply which I doubt, as the arrogance of a Narcissist will show up somewhere on social media or the places you visit, to make themselves known.
Or the other main reason is that they have been exposed.
They go into hiding until things have settled down and then reappear.
This Narcissist does it all the time. Once you know who they are they are easy to predict.
Take care of yourself Boston Luv ?
Question: Should you warn an individual that you know that’s in a relationship with narcissistic? She’s 26 and the man is 46. I know she is because it’s my ex. She called me when she found out that he was still reaching out to me. I feel so bad because this young girl has no idea what’s she’s in for! Or should I mind my business and keep her lifted up in prayer?
IMO = NO!
I warned an individual on this Narc’s behavior etc; and to be careful and to be open minded once she starts seeing the he red flags. (I will share this story along with screenshots of our conversation on this site at a later stage).
By reading other victims stories, most of the Narcs new supply don’t listen anyway, as he has already made you out to be the ‘crazy ex’ or the ‘crazy stalker’ that won’t leave him alone.
Every other new supply this Narc attaches himself too, I just leave alone, as they will work out what he is really like, hopefully sometime down the track.
Even to this day he still sends his ‘Flying Monkeys’ my way.
As the articles on this site and from research and education on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the best course of ACTION to these vile creatures is to ignore and not react. It gets to them!!!
If you really want to know how they are doing, don’t watch the Narc, always watch the victim. Over time the Victim will start to lose their-self and look warn out and disheveled.
The victim that I warned, every now and then I would check her FB page and from where she was at the beginning to being a happy person, to being devalued as she would always wear skimpy clothing and her status were always to make the Narc jealous, and to now she’s been discarded as she looks old and warn out compared to 12mths ago. Oh well! She was warned!!! ?
Let them be, the individual will either come to their senses like we did, or they will continue down the path of being abused by the Narcissist.
With that being said, I wish someone opened up and warned me about this Narc, hence the reason for this website and to help other individuals out there. Hopefully, more will follow…
Look after #1 Nicole D and that is you. Don’t buy into their toxic drama!!! ✌️?
They discard because they know you have the ability to grow beyond where they are. They are insecure first, envious second.
nailed it on every level my experience was exactly like you explained it has been 5 months now no contact. thank you for narcissistic awareness it has helped me so much
It gets easier as times passes. It’s been over 12mths for me. No Contact is the way to go!
And I’m feeling stronger than ever before. ?
Good Luck Sunshine24, we’re all here if you need help ?
When you discard a narc they act like they discarded you. They’ll say yeah well this wasn’t working out for me anyway blah blah smh, sick individuals
Toni yes! Mine said, “basically I’m not happy, and I want to leave”.
Yep, announcing delete my number and still on my damn phone reaching out with the fuckery. Strange entities ?
They always find a way ?
that is true
Oh my goodness ???
Got rid of an emotionally immature narcissist . 1 year of a one-sided, needy , clingy 46 year old man. What the hell was I thinking… even his best friend told me to he was immature and not into taking care of his women.. GTFOH with yo broke ass!!! ????
You sure it wasn’t this Narc. You described him to a ‘T’. I spoke to a couple of his friends and they said the same thing. 46yo, Immature, broke and doesn’t take care of his women in his life! ??♂️
Love It! ?
@Toni – and I came back with one I told him who calling who cause no homeboy you not right for me do u see me calling are texting you dummy.narcs can be so dumb you calling a person but you tell them they wasn’t right for you so why I would have told him so why are u calling then cause I wouldn’t waste none of my time trying to contact you.these people are fucked up so badly they can’t look in the mirror and see their own demise.i use to get on the narc ass I use too talk too he hurry up and get off the phone.they will fail at everything they do the person who puts up with they bullshit cater to every demand of his will get his fake false love plus a baby and including a marriage so he can show the person who he discarded what they are missing I guess a good man.child plz that female they go get be just about as dumb as he is so that is great you found someone else.
I dumped the narcissist during the triangulation phase. No contact going on 3 months. It happened on my terms. Freedom never felt so good. Honestly. I hold no hurt, anger or rage, anymore. I can breathe once again. I still watch narcissist video’s as reminders of the crazy maker that I dealt with..
Susan P thank you! Ur comment encourages me!!
@Izzy K I’m happy beyond words, that I was able to be of help. 5 months, No Contact for Life. Yay!! Please put yourself first. Let go of the evil doer, please.
Uno….same here I was top notch supply after no contact of 6 months he haven’t and don’t wanna step to me…. chat sessions are amazing thats all the amo I need to stay away.
Susan P they’re nuts. Fake
True! ?
Everything about them is FAKE!
That’s right, you are Never the Only One, with a Narcissist. Remember that. Whether married or single, you are never the only one.
His ex sent me a msge saying just that! “You will never be the only one” She was right.
Like a Dog Looking For A Bone….and Ladies These Boys Chase Men. the other source is A tranny Freak.
Maureen S Yup. Many narc men are on the DL. The ugly ones solicit prostitutes ?
thank you for naming and shaming this narc and his flying monkeys. I’ve also posted this site on all my social media. Good Luck ?
the attractive ones do too! My ex did! He had weird sexual fantasies..like…DISGUSTING!
They were always sluts ? once discarded, they get worse ?
Secretly inside I think the ex narc was sleeping with hookers. Maybe even a tranny my nephew even told me he was rumored to have messed with a man. Smdh so disgusted I know he’s slept with countless of females, the rest I can’t even stomach ???
I wouldn’t put it passed your Narc as this Narc sent me images of him having sex with a prostitute. He thought the image would make me jealous, to no avail. ? Since I didn’t react in the way he wanted me too, then he started the ‘BODY SHAMING’ technique. I still didn’t react the way he wanted me too, so my discard got more aggressive and vengeful…?♀️ LOL!!!
Now the Narc promotes that somehow I stole the images, when the fuck sent the images himself… (I will be posting an article and screenshot of his messages at a later date). ✌️
@CAB You go sister! ? keep this site going sis… let’s spread the word on these losers… As you preach NFG!!! ?
PREACH SISTER!!!!
@ Diva R wowwwww
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