Overcoming A Smear Campaign By A Narcissist
When we dump a narcissist or even when a narcissist dumps us, one of the things that they do to make themselves feel better is embarking on a smear campaign. Running a smear campaign somehow provides the narcissist justification as to why we were never worthy of their presence, to begin with. By continually talking smack about the discarded partner. By getting “the word out” about how horrible his or her ex is. The narcissist feels pumped up and vindicated about; however, the relationship happened to end.
Now, if the narcissist and his ex share mutual friends or happen to be co-workers or have children together, the campaign can cause a great deal of anxiety for the victim partner. If this partner happens to be you and you’re reading this article, I’m going to explain a foolproof method for handling this problem, and the solution is straightforward.
You don’t have to say anything at all — not a single thing. And believe me, there will be a whole lot of power in your silence.
When someone is talking shit about us to others, our first – and natural – the reaction is to want to defend ourselves. In many situations, of course, protecting ourselves is the right thing to do but when the person talking smack about us is our narcissistic ex, I have found that silence (on our part) is the absolute and only way to beat this person at his or her own game. When our narcissist’s mouth is flapping, our silence works to our benefit in SO many ways for the simple reason that it instantly exposes the narc for the asshole that he or she is.
The truth is that we don’t have to defend ourselves when the person talking smack is a creep beyond words. We just don’t.
It’s a fact that a narcissist will talk wrong about us to everyone– his family, our family, our kids, mutual friends, co-workers – and there’s not a whole lot we can do about it.
The smear campaign is one of the oldest narcissistic tricks in the book. Sure, we can run around behind him trying to do damage control, or we can embark on a smear campaign of our own, but we’re dealing with a narcissist here, and he will use our defensive reaction as proof that we are, exactly as he describes.
If you think about it, this is what we’ve been dealing with throughout the entire relationship! I’m here to tell you that, no matter when a smear campaign begins or how awful it is, all we ever have to do is be quiet, be kind, and be normal and the narcissist will quickly end up looking like an idiot.
Yes, it is hard to stay quiet, but the results (and rewards) are amazing, and they come quickly. This strategy works, by the way, even with narcissists that are well received within the community. It always works!
Think about it, objectively.
Imagine that you’re part of a group and one couple in the group has a very tumultuous relationship. Whether they are together or not, there is always drama, and within the group, everyone is annoyed. When the couple finally splits for good, and each starts coming around separately, you notice that he (or she) does NOTHING but talk shit about the ex for hours on end while the other half shows up saying nothing at all. She doesn’t speak – or even want to talk – about the break-up. Instead, she mingles with the group. At first, it’s awkward because the ex, who has said some horrible things, is like the elephant in the room… but everyone soon gets over that. As time passes, which ex-member of that couple is going to look more favorable to all? The answer is obvious.
No matter what he says, no matter how bad he insists that she is, the fact that she maintains silence, never even uttering his name, automatically casts doubt on everything he says. Her silence creates plausible deniability in her favor and, again, it always works!
Is it hurtful to know that the narcissist never has anything nice to say about us behind our backs? Of course it is. It can be devastating. I know this because my ex friend was a backstabber for the short time I got to know him, whether we were broken up or not. Did I ever feel embarrassed socializing with friends knowing what he might be saying when I’m not there? Of course, I did! But the truth is this: people don’t want to hear about it, and they will WELCOME your silence. We imagine that everyone hangs on a narcissist’s word like we do, but this isn’t true. This strategy is foolproof… and why?
Because in the end, the truth really does prevail and our silence allows it to happen.
Just ask the narcissist, The Real Cleveland Wright Jr – the master of the silent treatment – how powerful silence can be. The final break-up happens to be the one time where the narcissist can’t seem to maintain a shred of silence at all, but this time it works to your advantage.
So, pay no mind to what your narcissistic ex is saying about you or how awful the lies happen to be. All you have to do is stay quiet and act normal.
This strategy also works while co-parenting, meaning that when the narcissistic ex is talking smack about you to the kids, you don’t reciprocate. The kids will figure out soon enough who the villain parent is, and they will do it on their own.
With friends, family, and co-workers, the silent defense is foolproof. Believe me…the switch-over in the minds of all who listen will be swift. Finally – and maybe for the first time since you’ve known this person – you will have beaten the narcissist at his own fucking game and you will have done it without saying a single word.
Alongside the actual smearing/flying monkey aspects that are tied into it all, one might not get too distracted from just garden variety TRIANGULATING! I say this because the nuke I dealt with even had ‘imaginary friends’ in an attempt to triangulate/unsettle me. The smear and flying monkeys are DECOYS!!!
You have an idiot with the mind of a three year old throwing a tantrum looking for control
Tell them you want them back and watch them gloat.
Tell them you have a new lover and watch the jealousy peak. Get a new lover and don’t tell them.
Disagree often just to let them know you are not being controlled ever again and escalate boundary always
Feed them sad “April Fool pranks and jokes” daily and laugh at each new lie or confusion
Tell them you are going back to your previous spouse in confidence and watch the narcissistic rage followed by a ridiculous story about you going back to your ex
Challenge them publicly about their lies with evidence on Facebook or wherever
Collect “Friends “ on Facebook who are obviously people of excellent character and that they will never meet and they can not explain.
Create Narcissistic rage so people can see first hand what you hid from for years and no one believed you.
“Lies win a sprint race” but if you heal, fall in love with another empath, are happy, grow and prosper you will realise “truth wins marathons”and the Narc will be drowning in confusion from lies no one could possibly believe and they will be stuck in their deep dark hole filled with lies and mirrors with not a single person who cares anymore. As they age it is harder to fool and hide behind a mask. People see a bitter deluded narcissist and just avoid them.
Ask the Narc if they told the truth to the Tax Department over the last few years. That puts the fear of God into a compulsive liar.
Ask common acquaintances if the side effects of their medication is obvious yet.
Remind the Narc to take their medication and query whether it is a big enough dose because it seems to not be working
Basically get on with your healing, try and laugh whenever you can and let them drown in their own sewerage, often.
If their family has high cholesterol or cardiovascular health issues then they might have hereditary high cortisol levels and are all probably narcissistic. There is a skew statistic on very high suicide rates associated with this.
Laugh, they never do!
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