Sex With A Sociopath
Article Posted by one of our readers, “Love From CA” who dated Cleveland Wright JrOne of the areas least discussed and most problematic when you are dating or married to a narcissist is sex. It can be described in one of two ways:
- He has a constant desire for sex and wants you to be available at all times, according to his whim and what’s happening in his pants.
- He has little desire for sex, and you go for long stretches without it. You have to beg for it, and even then, he often turns you down.
While it might seem odd that Cleveland Wright Jr along with other Narcissists, who are all pretty predictable in other ways, can be so opposite when it comes to their sexuality, it isn’t. You must remember that everything in a narcissist’s life is about controlling you. It’s how he gets his energy. Like an emotional vampire, he sucks it out of you any way he can. Sex is one of the best ways of gaining control.
Intimacy Isn’t on the Menu
Intimacy is a requirement for good, healthy sex. It’s about more than the physical responses as anyone in a healthy relationship knows. Your narcissistic partner, husband (or ex) does not allow intimacy because that would make him vulnerable like the rest of us. He is above that so, while he may say and do all of the right things, you always have the feeling that something is lacking. You feel like he isn’t really with you, there is no spiritual or emotional connection, and even though he may be skilled at creating pleasure (when he wants to) it almost seems like you are not there.
That’s because narcissists use their partners as warm, living blow-up dolls. They are, in essence, masturbating only you are the vehicle. Most narcissists would not, or at least not admit, to masturbating by themselves because they are above all of that. It’s OK though; they can use you for that purpose.
I bet that turns you on, doesn’t it? 😳
Narcissist’s Three Stages of Relationship
If you don’t identify with what I’ve said above, you may be in one of the earlier stages of the relationship, or your narcissist may have some other reason for making an effort to keep it hot. Perhaps he heard you mention to a friend that the sex was great or thinks that you may be talking about it with someone. This way, he can be admired by more people.
In any case, most narcissists go through the following three stages of sex.
First Stage: Pursuit
You’ve met Cleveland Wright Jr or the guy. He is terrific in every way; in fact, it’s almost unbelievable. He is romantic; he whispers sexy sweet things in your ear. He gives you foot rubs; he buys you flowers, jewellery, and all of his attention is on you.
You feel adored in every way and fall hook, line, and sinker.
Here’s what’s going on. Cleveland Wright Jr or your man has seen you, and you fit into his needs for now. You make him look good in some way and lift him up in the eyes of his peers. Maybe someone else was courting you, and he decided to create an unspoken competition to steal you away from a less sophisticated opponent. You can be sure that no matter what interested him in you, he feels it will move him closer to his goals in some way. Prestige.
Second Stage: Entrapment
The courting is still fresh then suddenly you feel that something has changed, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.
Sometimes it’s travelling together, making plans together, a ring, moving in together, a baby, or you quitting your job to be a homemaker but as soon as he has a commitment from you in some way he owns you. Now there is no longer a need to make an effort to win you over. You have become a part of him just like his arm or leg. He can control his arm at will without a struggle, and that’s what he expects from you, too.
It’s sometime during this time that sex will become a battlefield in a way or another. He’ll either be grabbing at you every time you pass in the hall and require sex often (even several times a day), or he will decide that he can control you best by withholding it.
It’s about Control
Cleveland Wright Jr and with most narcissists, they will withhold sex for long periods of time. Six weeks, eight weeks, sometimes more. You could ask, beg, plead, or wear the sexiest lingerie available and it would not matter. He would kiss you goodnight, give a perfunctory “I love you”, and roll over with his back to you. No cuddling, no intimate whispering, and no implication of desire. It was less intimate than sleeping with your best friend at a sleepover.
I, and like most women, have high sex drives. Not having sex for an extended period of time is uncomfortable for me physically as well as emotionally. During a video session, Cleveland Wright Jr let me know that my masturbation bothered him. He asked me to stop as he was overwhelmed, even though he was happy to showcase himself masturbating. I stopped, and you know what? Now he had full control of my sexuality – as much as if we were into BDSM and I was wearing a leather chastity belt. Not only was he in control of when and where we had sex, but he was also now in control of when I was allowed to have an orgasm.
One Way in Public Another at Home
When we were around other people, he would act like we were doing it like bunnies. I didn’t defend myself because I wanted to make my relationship work, so I continually looked for ways to be better, sexier, cuter, sweeter, and a girlfriend he could be proud of.
The only time that he couldn’t keep his hands off of me is the one or two times that I told him no. Once I was so angry about everything that I turned my back to him and didn’t even say goodnight. He kept touching me, whispering how much he wanted me, and all the rest of it. He pulled me over onto my back. I did not resist.
When it was over, I sobbed. Do you know what he said? “I thought you wanted to.”
Third Stage: Abandonment
You finally “get it”. It took me a long time because I am stubborn, and I wanted to have a happily ever afterlife. You begin to resist being his Stepford wife, and you begin to express your ideas, thoughts and opinions. You argue you cry, and you check up on all of his lies.
Now Cleveland Wright Jr has to figure out another way to control you. Maybe you get the silent treatment and are shunned for hours or days. This can be quite nice. Verbal abuse will start, and he will disdain you, cut you down, scream at you, or hurt you in some other way with his words. Your responses are labelled “drama” in his file, and he tells you that you’re overreacting, deceived, or a complete narcissist who thinks the world revolves around you. It works for him because he is still feeding off of your emotions, and he is even controlling your world.
Once you decide to stop reacting to Cleveland Wright Jr in any way he loses something he desperately needs. One of two things happens at this point, but the result is the same. Either he will find another victim and manufacture a reason to leave, or you will decide you are not going to live like this anymore and you leave.
Moving on with Your Life
If you think that once you are out of it, you can go back to being your usual, confident self, you are wrong. You are going to have to look at everything you believe about yourself, write it down, and then go through it to see what is real and which things are lies that you have been fed for so long that you have accepted them. It can be a long and challenging process so you might want to consider getting counselling.
Just as a side note – I’ve read articles by various people, some of whom are psychiatrists, which discuss how to live with a narcissist. According to these articles, it can be done successfully. My question is this – maybe it can, but why would you want to?
See? You aren’t alone. Many women have gone through the same thing. Join Cleveland Wright Jr to share your story and help yourself, as well as others, move into a place of healing.
Unmasking Sociopath “The Real Cleveland Wright Jr” @ clevelandwrightjr.is
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104 comments
Well written. The only thing I could add was that some men also add religious stances with their control. In that situation they never feel a need to pleasure their partner for any reason. It is sheer pain, and if you show the pain they don’t stop they just feel there is something wrong with you…and /or your pain increases their pleasure.
My wedding night my ex pretended to be sleeping and never would have sex with me…like, ever. So, I never got the kids I so desperately wanted. He never looked at me and although always very “nice” to me (he wanted to be the good guy) he always said, “Well, you can’t go anywhere, we’re married.” He was serious. So here he was, with a wife who worked out, was tall, modeled and everyone thought, “Wow, he’s getting that.” Well, he wasn’t and he never went near it. Towards the end I just stopped asking for sex. He went into the counselor and said he wanted ‘hand holding and affection.” This is a grown man & he wanted to play like we were 12 year olds. He was def stuck in an age where he had no interest in sex. I can totally relate to this article…very, very on target. Thank you for writing it!
Hi Sandra G, thank you
And thank you for taking the time to read the article ?
Wow, what an Article!
Mine can go for months without sex, does no dress in front of me….turns the other way if I get dressed in front of him. No passionate kiss, no sweet words.
I have left and he has made zero contact with Me! Not even to enquire about his son. And yet I still love him and the dream of us… I feel the urge to go back to him.
@Angela. Your last sentence says “you still feel the urge to go back”, listen to your gut. Do not go back. Read everything you can on narcissists. Hopefully this will give everything you need to help you know you are making the right decision. I just broke off a relationship on this very day. I too have had hopes of getting back together, dreams that he will get help and figure it out. It usually doesn’t happen. Rarely does it happen. It is sad because my heart goes out to him because he will always be this way due to trauma from his childhood. But if I stay he will reeck havoc on my well being. If you keep engaging you are only feeding his ego. You are the “narcissistic supply” that keeps feeding him. Once you stop feeding his ego he will probably move on and seek the “narcissistic supply” some where else. This is what happened for me. I stopped engaging and he has moved on. Unfortunately, you wish you could tell everyone he comes with a warning label :)Don’t go back, don’t even look back. Keep moving forward for your own good health. Wishing you well.
@Angela – Please take the advice of these ladies and every comment on this site and other sites. You will learn so much from other victims. You are in a dark place at the moment, the storm will pass. Stay strong for you and your son ?
@ Angela – Please don’t and listen to your instinct. You love him yes but he loves himself more. You are never going to find what you desire as long as you are with him. You are a “narcissistic supply” to him. As long as you keep engaging that is all you are ever going to be. Read everything you can a narcissism. There rarely is a cure. I am writing to you because on this very day I broke off a relationship with a extreme narcissist. It took me a year to break it off but I did it. After reading I found out because I would keep engaging with him that I was a “narcissistic supply” to him. He would tell me everything I needed to hear. Admitting to some fault, he would continue therapy (not for long though), he has minor recoverable faults etc. As soon as I am back under his control, things would fall in place again. In that short time I was raged upon, controlled, argued with constantly, charmed, and so on. I was even scolded upon for not acting correctly when I met his adult son! Meaning we (as a couple) we there to show his son what a great couple we were. I expressed to him that I did not have to “sell myself” to anyone and that is 26 year old son could decide for himself whether he liked me or not! Did I love him I sure did. Was he good for me absolutely not. When I say read all you can on narcissism it is so that it will keep you moving forward to never look back for your own healthy state of mind. Keep moving forward with everything you have, don’t engage. After you stop he will move on to full fill his need.
@Angela, please do not go back to the narcissist. You are better than this. If you stay NC life does get better, it takes time. Please listen to the other readers. We have all been through it and we’ve come out on the other side. The Narcissist Abuse Survivor Community is real and we are all here to help you! I have DM you! ?
Thank You Angela ?
I found I had the opposite problem that you had. I was always expected to be available, no matter what. When I was sick with a fever and unable to get out of bed, crying because my muscles ached so bad, he offer a back rub – which of course resulted in him expecting “payment.” When he was done, he just said “sorry” and left the room. That is just one example. When I finally refused to give him what he wanted after many years of abuse, he said I used sex as a tool to manipulate him. Wow.
This is well written. I am divorced from my Mr N 12 months now. We were married for 13 years. He’s had 2 new partners in the space of 12 months. I left him, for many of the reasons listed above, along with the constant lies, mood swings, constantly being out, & putting everyone else before myself & his children. We have constant contact, well did have twice daily as we have shared care. Until just 3 days ago, when he went away with his new girlfriend & all of a sudden became text savvy with our 12 yo. He would never contact her before, & now does, telling her he loves her & her sister, which never has happened before now. 1 week ago he hung up on our 12 yo, so imagine her confusion now. I’m trying to move on with my life, & have reconnected with an old friend, the problem is, my ex still has some sort of hold over me, & I’m having trouble letting go. Especially when my girls go to there dads for the week. It’s amazing how hard it really is, even with all that’s put in front of you.
All of the above is so true, my ex narc could never make love everything was sordid, and he was always totally selfish, I remember one occasion when he was in the height of passion his eyes turned black , I have never forgotten how much that scared me.
before I married him, he told me he didn’t want a shallow life he had, I was the love of his life, and wanted to have a normsal family life, also to remind him when he stepped out of line, I did this then he told his family I was the drama queen, how could he have done all this, I left him 15 times in 3 years, but kept going back as I had previously left a marriage of 34 years for him, I remember so clearly in the early part of our relationship he cried and said I cant do this to you, was he saying he knew how it would all end???
WOW! I teared up reading this, because I was living in it, and was starting to feel horrible about myself.
We have two kids, and the full blown narcissism came through after the birth of our second child.
HE had an anxiety attack on the way home from the hospital. So, I had to call an ambulance, with a 2 day old and a 2 year old. I knew in that moment, this man cant handle life.
When we had sex, which was not that often, it seemed he wasn’t there. I would often turn over and cry. It was so cold. No intimacy. I though I could fix it. I have a super high sex drive and he never could match my needs. I tried everything.
Then the verbal abuse. “You’ve let yourself go” “If you wore better clothes Id be attracted to you”… I actually started to believe it.. then it hit me. How can I show my boys that this is a healthy marriage?
He put us into $150,000 in debt by buying clothes, shoes, cars.. even though he was in between freelance jobs.
Here I am, 2 years later. We are divorced, I have a cute bungalow in a city I love, and my boys and I live within our means.
I learned to love myself, and that all of his abusive behavior, was not my fault. I am an empath, and I tried to help him, at the expense of my needs, and own mental health.
My fault was that I treated him like a child, as he acted like one. I have made peace with that.
I met a fantastic single dad last year, who loves having sex as much as me, but more importantly, is respectful, owns his mistakes and is not even close to a narcissist. In fact, he has a degree in psychology and has helped me really learn about all the traits my ex has and how his verbal/emotional abuse was not my fault.
I’ve never been more sexually satisfied in my entire life. He always is in tune with what Im feeling, and loves to go down, then I love to give it back.
We both love the feeling of taking care of each other, but not loosing ourselves.
If you are reading this, and you are in a narcisstic realtionship/marriage, and these things ring true to you.. you CAN get out. You CAN start over.
Your life is worth being happy.
You got this!
So True Lilly. Once you have sex with Cleveland Wright Jr, you notice straight away that it’s cold, no intimacy, no foreplay, no pleasure and the whole encounter was an act and fake.
Hookups are more real with intimacy.
Once you learn about narcissism and narcissist personality disorder, I now understand why CWJR is so addicted to porn, as he needs to study the acts of sex and how to perform and please his partners. He mimics what he sees on Porn clips. Even porn movies are fake… haha!
Before we had sex, I remember CWJR telling me a story about him and his wife, Heather. He blamed everything onto her and that she was so bad in bed he had to look elsewhere for his pleasure. But I do believe if the story is to be true that it was the wife Heather looking for her pleasure elsewhere, as I wouldn’t have blamed her after my experience. ?
I will never forget the many stories of the wife, Heather.
LOL! Learning about what I know now and looking back at his comments, it doesn’t surprise me as he needs to blame someone for his inexperience.
Even though he boasts about sleeping with so many women, a normal person learns from their experience. Cleveland Wright Jr isn’t able to experience the intimacy, the joy of lovemaking and pleasing your partner that comes from sexual encounters. This guy is just a dark soul.
Even though I have not met the wife Heather, I do admire a lot about her. She has raised two beautiful young ladies without support from CWJR. You can see the internal love she has for her daughters and how they themselves show empathy.
You look at the photos between CWJR and the daughters, and they are never smiling and look unhappy. And when CWJR does smile, you can tell it’s FAKE and not authentic.
With CWJR indiscretions, conniving and cheating ways, Heather has shown the strength that she will no longer put up with the toxicity from this POS.
We can all learn from the strength that Heather has shown against this coward sociopath being Cleveland Wright Jr
Reading this article and the comments, it seems like most of us were with the same man. My ex pursued me for months. The sex in the beginning was amazing. He was amazing. Then the withholding started. I would ask for a hug and be yelled at. Let me hug you when I want to, don’t make me hug you. I could meet him at the door wearing something sexy, he would brush right by me. I begged. Ashamed of that now. I was rejected so often. Then I found out about the cheating. I found about the dating sites. The porn. The staring and flirting with other women when we were out. I would get yelled at for saying something about that. He couldn’t even go shopping he would say. He was never wrong. Never apologized. He could say whatever hurtful thing he wanted, and then he would say he should be able to say what he felt. I would say anything, and I was starting my crap. He lied so much he couldn’t keep up with what he had said and would tell different stories. He would be gone for hours. Wouldn’t answer his phone or texts. That’s why he’s an ex. But I’m pretty sure he had two or three already being groomed to take my spot. Lord help me and them.
Thank you for posting the article Love From CA ?
Thank You Kim Stewart. ?
Having a past education in mental health and worked in the field, I had some knowledge with personality disorders. But, even I fell victim to this type of person. Naturally, I’m a caring and empathetic person and feel good when I help people or when I show them I care about them. I dated my ex for 12 years. In the beginning, sex was intense and often but quickly realized he can only have it when intoxicated. Needless to say, we were drunk a lot of times in the beginning and having fun without a care. I was only 27 and he was 13 years older than me. He’s never been married and had older children who were basically discarded. That was red flag #1 because I’m very close with all the members of my family. I just couldn’t understand writing off your own child for good. I also learned he had a problem with authority and actually ended up in prison. However, he’s highly intelligent and very well known and a business owner. He got himself out of so many situations, it boggled my mind. He would charm talk judges and lawyers so well that they would actually become friends! But, the most problematic issue in our relationship was the lack of intimacy. Everyone saw it. My parents, our friends, strangers. He wouldn’t hold my hand, hug me, kiss me or even walk with me! He would often leave me by myself at events and mingle solo and flirt with strangers or strike up charming conversations with men to gain business deals. He would do this without a care as I sit there downing cocktails out of anxiety, anger and boredom and having small talk with the strangers around me at the even. Ladies, does this sound familiar? You get all dolled up because they expect that and then they leave you sitting at some table while they collect and feed off supply in the room. The ride home is often miserable and you stare out the passenger side window buzzed and sad with a false lash about to fall off from trying to hold back tears wondering why the hell are you even with this man.
Every time I initiated sex, I was turned down. It was always an excuse however he told me constantly of how attractive and beautiful I was to him. He never wanted any type of intimacy besides a B job. That is all he would consider. I never received pleasure and he flat out got angry at me once for catching me online trying to buy a sex toy. He didn’t want me to please myself and he didn’t want to please me and he sure the hell didn’t want someone else to please me. For 12 damn years, I lived this way. No matter how sexy to dress or layers of makeup you put on or how you styled your hair or how often you went to the gym. NOTHING. I naturally have a high sex drive and never was treated this way in past relationships. Men always desired me so this was a huge blow to my ego and self-esteem. To make matters worse, I caught him on p*rn sites and talking to women on dating sites. His excuse? “If you were a better girlfriend and treated me better, I wouldn’t have to resort to this.” Yeah, so why didn’t I leave? Because I took the blame and tried to be better but you will never be better. You just need to face it. Narcs can’t be fixed. If you decide to stay with them, you have to play their game and know not to have ANY expectations of them. So, I left him.
Guess what now? I walked right into the arms of another narcissist but this time, I remembered the signs and patterns. I think I seek out this type of man and not realize it. I seek men that are broken. I’m not sure why because the men in my family were amazing and loving. I have a need to “fix” people. This is my issue. So, when I realized this new man was following the same pattern. Always flirting, always sexting but never actually wanted to do it and when he did, he had ED issues and was very awkward, didn’t perform oral but was down for the B job, didn’t touch, didn’t hug, hold. After sex, he went stone cold. He would just stare with a blank look on his face or would want to leave and go on with his day. One time, I joked with him as I felt annoyed by his coldness. I told him “Well, that was fun. maybe we can do this in another 10 years.” His coldness went straight to sadness. He sulked and couldn’t believe I said such a horrible thing and that was the meanest thing anyone has ever said to him and how could I just use him like that. He immediately got up and sat on the opposite side of the couch. I realized this is abandonment issues coming out with him. I felt bad and hugged him and apologized right away.
After dealing with these two men, I researched the sexual behaviors of narcissists. I’ve come to the conclusion that these two men have what is called Madonna/Whore Complex. They have no problems have multiple sex partners with people they have no type of “false” emotional attachment to. Both had no problems going to strip clubs and getting it on or going on sites and social media to hook up. My ex of 12 years actually finally admitted to this. They view the women that offer steady supply and emotional support to them as saints and have a very hard time having sex with them. They often want to have sex but internally, they feel it is immoral or repelled at the idea of it. I know both men were highly attracted to me as I was their type emotionally and physically but they just could never be “normal” in a intimate setting. Both required alcohol and a lot of it to initiate sex. It was a sad encounter and I will be very aware of my pattern in seeking out my next boyfriend.
☝️TRUTH… ?Your words written are what most victims have gone through in a relationship with their narcissist. It’s so mind-boggling when you start reading other victims stories on how close it is to my own account. Oh Wow!
So much what you have written Gina is thus identical to Cleveland Wright Jr. The first day I met him, I knew something wasn’t right. There was no warmth about him at all. He would not show any public affection (hugging, holding hands, etc.) and when he did kiss, it was more of those Eskimo kisses. There was no affection at all… Behind closed doors, he wants the hugging, kissing (if you call it that), and the sex, but only when he initiates it.
As like you, if I initiated sex, I was turned down. Our sexual encounters would not last long at all. As I mentioned in other posts on this site, I have a high sex drive and each sexual encounter with CWJr I had to lay there like a dead starfish and fake it. It was a terrible experience.
I do agree with you about the Madonna/Whore complex issue you mentioned about as I noticed during my webcam sex sessions with Cleveland Wright Jr, at times he had no problems masturbating on camera, but once he finished his business, he felt disgusted with himself. There was one time I remember clearly, that after a webcam sex session, he started mentioning about my sex toy, and how he liked the way it worked on my body. In the next sentence, he starts rambling on about buying the sex toy so he could use it on his other girlfriends. At the time I was like WTF???
I can relate to your story Gina, and thank you for sharing. ?
@Gina D => Thank you for sharing your story
An interesting concept about the Madonna/Whore Complex. I must research more ??????
@ Love From Canada => Thank you for sharing with us your experience with Cleveland Wright Jr.
I’m happy to learn that you are now in a better place ❤️
☝️Yesss… Thank you, “Love from Canada.” ??
Also, a big shoutout to a wonderful lady on how much we appreciate you taking the time and effort you put into helping other Narcissistic Abuse Victims on this site and through our YouTube Family x x x
Thank you to The Writer and CAB for allowing me to be part of this tribe, I’m honoured and grateful.
Love to you both and to everyone from this site and the YouTube Family ??
This sounds a lot like my relationship with my almost ex-husband. I feel like I could have written your words, word for word. Sex was almost non-existent, and when we did have it, it was very cold without any intimacy, loving touch, or foreplay of any kind, including kissing, any kind of touch. It was pretty much let me see that @$$ so I can F*&% you. Now, that we are weeks away from our divorce being final, he wants it all the time. And me like a fool, keeps falling for it. But it is something that I have been without for years and finally getting a bit of what I have been missing. We have been living in the same house (different bedrooms) until our house sells and I can afford to move on. Throughout this whole process of finally loving myself enough to know that I need more than what this narcissist can give me, I have been comforted by the fact that I’m not making this up or too sensitive, or sex starved, or too demanding that I am worthy of love and respect. Thank you for your words and sharing your experiences. It affirms that I am not crazy or making any of this up.
That was the best article I have ever read about Narcissist men. Thank You so much. I Loved it!!! Made me laugh because it is so on point. I’m on the 2nd go around with my Narcissist bf. First time around I was domfounded. Thankfully, I have an Aunt who is a physiologist and when I called her and told her about this guy she simply said, “run for your life sounds like he is a NARC.” At that time I didn’t know much about narcisisuim but after studying up on it I learned very fast probably had everything to do with being emersed in the NARC abuse. Anyway, my NARC seems to have a lot more going on that just narcissism. Multiple personalities, bi-polar, sociopath… who knows he is all kinds of messed up. I’d like to know what happened to him as a child but he lies so much that I don’t know what to believe. He has a creepy relationship with his Mother and he isn’t speaking to one of his Aunts bc she accused him with having sex with his Mother. He sick but his expiration date is near. I’ve always had good men. I am 45 years old my NARC is 49. Before I knew he was a narcissist it was the most lonely and sad times of my life I was suicildal. These articles really help people. Please don’t ever stop the awareness. Again, Thank you so much for this article. Sincerely, X
Thank you Alarna P and welcome to our family ?
I think cerebral narcissists are masturbators and porn addicts. The reason they act so indifferent sexually to their girlfriends and wives is the fact that they’ve already taken care of themselves sexually on a daily basis, and have no need for us. In other words, they have had sex with their favorite person, and it is themselves.
Thank you so much for this site. I’m around stage 3. My husband bugs me for sex CONSTANTLY even while I am at work (I work from home a lot). I am stuck – he threatens to leave me, cheat on me etc. He tells me I am a bad wife and bad “housewife” (even though I work a professional job and bring home good money – which he lives off of while not holding a job for the last 10 years). He tells me I am bad at everything, wrong about everything, inhuman (yes that’s his favorite – he likes to tell me I’m not human or unlike any other normal human), or frigid, dumb, a slob, etc. He loves to insinuate that I am cheating and would love it if I never left the house. Thank god for my child who is the light of my life! I am not sure of a way forward since he is living off of me, but I deeply appreciate your site because it reminds me that I am not alone and NOT imaging this! THank you!
@Chelsea M – Don’t believe anything your husband says. You are none of these things. He is reflecting how he feels onto you. The things he has mentioned is how he feels about himself. You are a strong woman and mother, believe in yourself and stay strong. ?
Im coming out on top here..That’s my goal at least…see I handle everything at home like im sure most of you do. We have a 15 yr history , I know passwords everything so it was easy to find his side chics. I contacted them and they shot him down. Even after they dumped him he tries to pit me against them. Truth is those girls gave me all the info I needed to realize that he was a narcissist, that “everything ” wasn’t my fault and I didn’t need to try and hold on anymore. I’ve gone on to turn the tables on him, making his life miserable. I learned from the best. He is paranoid that I maybe contacted this or that person. I play his mind games on him. And hurt his ego when I get a chance. There are plenty of articles on how to. I guess when you learn enough about how superficial , unstable , and insecure they really are, the control comes back to you. This is not to say I don’t get insults, low key put me downs, and mind games thrown my way, but my mind is stronger now. I don’t believe a word he says anymore. Still hurts, but I’m trying to do me now. Plan to divorce him, but planning takes low key intelligence and putting up with them for a bit more. Like I tell him, since it’s all about winning, if I stay married , I win, i still use his money,have the house he pays , have the key’s to the sports car (and I won’t give them back till the divorce is thru, ) and withhold sex if I want to. I have control. And if I divorce him, I win, I keep the house which has a good profit potential, I’ll invest it in income property, have his child support and alimony payments…and if I go back to work, I became a nurse while I was a stay home mom and his servant. …. I win. And THAT pisses him off. I played the game better. And it didn’t have to be that way if he hadn’t ran off and had his multiple emotional and possibly sexual affairs ( even tho he swears he never did) .he could have just ended it the right way and not laughed and rubbed it in my face..but i won’t stick around. I’ve held on long enough, waited for him to change, put up with the put me downs , criticisms and discard phase. Lost a baby due to all the stress of finding out he was cheating . No more. See ya ..I pitty him.. really wish I could believe when he says he’s trying. Then walks always talking crap about how there’s plenty of fish in the sea and how he always has a plan B. Lol. Kk baby boy. Good for you. Good luck. Let’s see how fulfilling that is to you. 🙂 Article is spot on ?
Sounds like my marriage. He’s also a porn addict and he cheats with other women. To all his friends and the woman he’s cheating with, I’m a crazy woman who fights with him all the time. The reality is, I’m walking on eggshells trying to raise a family. I had to ignore and look the other way or he would blow up in front of the kids. I chose to live this way because one of my kids has special needs and I haven’t worked in many years. I’m also the only involved parent they have. He just doesn’t want to be involved in raising them. He stays up late every night sometimes sleeping for 4 hours. He started withholding sex when he wanted me to work. I knew he was having an affair. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to separate. I think I held my own and that made him more angry because I wasn’t reacting just carrying on. I did start looking for a job because I’m scared of depending on him. He has mommy issues and doesn’t respect women in general. I realize now after reading this post, he’s a true narcissist. what he wanted out of this marriage is control and the freedom to put his needs first. I think children are a threat to a narcissist. Would love to hear from others if their narcisstic partners were great dads/moms?
This is quite simular to my situation (i am a man, and i hope i am welcome here). She quit allowing me to kiss her years ago. I am tired of begging for sex,and it is affecting my self esteem. I also have a high sex drive,but five times in one year is difficult. When she wants sex, i masturbate her until she is arroused,and the she takes over with a vibrator. This would be alright, but she doesnt touch me at all. She cheats on me and i am finally learning she is a narcissist. I am married and held to those standards and she is single. Getting stronger and getting out of here.
Brilliantly explained, true – thank you we are not alone x
Thank you Taylor B, no we are not alone. We have all experienced the same kind of abuse just with different narcissists, I hope ?♀️?
WOW this is my 20 years of controlled sex life and I had to be beaten up by him in 2011 to realise no matter what I do, it will never be enough for him. Since then the breakthrough came, but divorcing him and still in process of ending it, the trauma I have endured, I doubt everything about myself. You are so right, even if people can live with them, why would you want to? I know I stayed because I was so petrified of him and financial freedom was not there. I still haven’t got head around money but now I have come to accept that I have to take my chance and it will be better than him controlling everything, from mind, body and soul.
I have been telling this to my counselor so long, didn’t feel understood but it’s incredible what you have written is spot on, so I am not alone and there are others like you, who get the hurt.
PS (I too have a healthy sex drive, but was made to feel it was high.)
My narc is one or the other. He basically wants what I don’t. If I want it, then nah….if I don’t, if I’m busy, tired etc, he really wants it.
Great Article by the way ???
@Caitlyn Mc Everything they do is a game and a manipulation tactic, for them to be in control of the situation.
iv done a little research lately, and before felt i was going mad. iv decided to be back to the strong woman i am, control is not love, iv taken off my commitment ring, he dosnt deserve, to have ownership of me. if he cant live a normal loving relationship, its time for me to move on. i live with him, but ill leave if need be, living on daughters sofa, is better than messing up my head, and losing myself and my marbles. iv been played but no more, he can sort his own messed up emotions out, there his not mine, im responsible for me, from now on. goodluck everyone. you deserve a loving caring partner
Thank you for this article. I am married to a narc, and out sex life is terrible. He does not care about my wants or needs. We do not even sleep in the same bedroom (his idea of course). He acts very sweet, but is a covert narc and it has been very painful because he puts in the good guy act in public, and dieting thinks he is a great guy and husband. If I had the money I would leave. Hopefully I will someday. The sex was always awful even in the begginning, he only lasts seconds to a minute in bed. But I fell for his sweet guy act and thought I could live with the terrible sex because he was ‘perfect’ I every other way. It was all an act on his part. He does not even attempt to hold back. I am For the first time in my
life, Persuing an affair. Just the thought of getting back at him by doing this gives me some satisfaction. He is getting exactly what he deserves.
Welcome Anonymous and it’s my pleasure to post and share the article. ?
And don’t forget that because sociopaths don’t feel guilt or shame nor fear; so many or maybe all of them are bisexuals. So, many abused women will be shocked when they learn that their “loving” husband is just a homosexual conman.
Gabby – yes, just found out mine was. Not only was it women, but men too!
+Gabby – I’m a sociopath and I’m bisexual. No shame in saying it.
@Socii – Good for you to be out and proud ???
Thank you for sharing!
They are not only bi. They are equal opportunity predators. Sex with them is very bad
Do you offer coaching???
@Leesa M – Yes we have started offering Coaching at a cost. I have DM you. The information will be on our websites shortly once we finalise the packages.
As a man, I have been involved with several women who I suspect are psychopaths or sociopaths. I’ve heard the terms used to describe the same personality disorders. Finally, after decades of having my life destroyed by these people, I learned why I kept getting entangled by their lies and manipulations. My mother is a psychopath. Everyone loves her. She’s a perfect Southern Baptist to the world, but at home she’s evil. She raised six children. Five are addicts and one hung himself. Thank you for the post ?
I dated a sociopath for 10 years. I never got an STD from him because I never went without a condom. I found out about 30 different women over 10 years. You don’t realize the person you love is a sociopath until its too late .He finally let the mirage down after 9 years. This last year I saw a whole different man .He began to beat me whenever I called him out on his lies and proved it.they do not like it when someone points out flaws in them.I had to leave him because he is very dangerous he would kill me and not think twice about it.
@Heather O – Yesss! Believe them when you ask how many women they are dating or courting! It’s the only time they speak the truth. Their EGO wants to come out and play. They also want you to know that they are in demand by many women.
I asked Cleveland Wright Jr how many women he had on the go at the start of our chats, and he was happy to gloat 20 women.
He’s still on dating sites to this day to prey on women. It’s quite sad that he uses these sites for sympathy to draw the women in.
If these women can’t recognize GAME that Cleveland Wright Jr is playing them, then they’re probably always the one getting played. TRUTH!!! ?✌️
Yes!!!!!!! This was my socio. He cruises the net and picks up people at work. The sex we had was ALWAYS what I’d term as ‘pornographic’ and not making love except for the first time. We made love (or what I thought was love) the first time. The rest was him saying dirty talk throughout and referring to me as his ‘porn star’. I found he cheated on me after 1.5 years and just after he took me to Boston to meet his family….but what I didn’t know was the depth of his sickness. It was confirmed to me by an ex that he is a ‘sex addict’…which is simply a term for what the socio does being a socio. He hooks up with men and women. Before I knew who he truly is, I asked if he ever hooked up with men. Without hesitation he said ‘yes’…then told me how he found the guy via Craiglist and he was with him 2 times. I asked if he thought he was bi and his reaction was one of ‘No!’ as if I insulted him.
I saw many of the classic signs. Love bombing. Charming. Mirroring. To gain my trust. I told him there’d be no sex until I felt I loved him. I also told him I’d been cheated on twice before in succession and those were my partners just before him. The reassurance and good-boy face he was showing hooked me. The sex hooked me more. It was the best sex ever….but it wasn’t making love. He was never first to say ‘I love you’ and at first didn’t say it back. I told him that when you say I love you to someone they typically say it back. It was only then that he would and sometimes he would just say ‘awww you’re so sweet’. These people are more clever than you know. Be aware of the red flags. They appear early in the relationship and your instincts / intuition will be going off to tell you that this person is not at all healthy. I’ve spent $3K in meds / hospital visits and therapy. This man created devastation in me and feels nothing about it.
Thank you for posting this article!
If I understand correctly , they have high testosterone but don’t really experience sexual attraction for anyone. Hard for me to wrap my mind around that one. Most normal people want to have sex because well….its sex and its enjoyable. not the sociopath. Its just a means to an end to him or her.
Oh, so so true.. Thank you, for all that you do to alert & protect people from the abuse that these people so easily dish out to unsuspecting victims. I’ve been an avid follower of your website for two years now, and appreciate all the help overcoming a 6 yr nightmare with a sociopath. I would have to say they all cheat given time, I know for a fact that in her little head, she would cheat just to get back at me for not giving her what she wanted and felt that she deserved.
My therapist told me the other day that he thinks my ex is a sociopath. He’s never met him, but he said from everything I’ve told him, he’s convinced that he is. After watching your YouTube videos and reading articles from this site I know he’s right, it’s him to a t. I want to throw up.
It’s hard to digest all the information at the start. I think we all feel like throwing up once we find out what we’ve been dealing with.
I hired a Private I to investigate Cleveland Wright Jr. The information and photos brought forward, I was astounded at first, but once the news sunk in, the investigation didn’t surprise me as much as I thought.
I’m grateful I finished our friendship when I did, as it saved me from further abuse (financially, mentally and physically)
This is crazy and dead on correct!
You answer all my unanswered questions. I was in a 3 & the half year relationship & just broke up with a sociopath. He physically & mentally abuse me, lied to me, cheated on me, gave me STD ‘ S & refuse to accept the truth. I watched your videos on YouTube and I wanted to thank you for everything ❤️
@Jamie A – I’m glad we ‘re able to help you. ? Narcissists will never take any accountability. It’s everyone else’s fault. Don’t beat yourself up too hard, remember the things he has done to you, has nothing to do with you, everything decision he has made is about himself.
Oh omg omg This is exactly what happend to me
I was with a covert marc and know matter what I couldn’t orgasm
And it pissed him off
So it’s your body telling you
Thank you so very much
He’s very weird sexually
I mean extreme
I never felt like he was with me I always felt like he was with someone eksse just using my body
Thank you so much
@Cassie L – Yesss! Narcissist uses your body for masturbation purposes. They don’t know how to feel love or to be intimate with their partner.
I had to fake it with Cleveland Wright Jr as I couldn’t orgasm as he was a turn off in bed. It was one of my worst experience ever. Even his dirty talk performances were a joke… Looking back at his sexual acts, it’s quite laughable.
I’m not holding back now, as I know who this guy really is.
I burst into tears when I read, “narcissists use their partners as warm, living blow up dolls”.. I have been living in hell for 6 years and I’m just beginning to get it..he’s not only a narcissist, but a sociopath to boot!
Thank you so much for this info, it’s helped me realize I’ve been right since the love turned sour just the months in..I’ve been mind f***k*d until I’m almost not here anymore….I’ve gotta get the hell away from this man..
Oh, boy, did you really clear up a difficult subject. I only responded for a short time. He was abusive & I would do anything he wanted hoping he wouldn’t cheat. OMG was I ever wrong!!
? This hit home hard!
I’m a red-blooded American man ….
full of testosterone.
I ran across your video on Youtube and I thought it was going to be something like a feminist deal…
To my surprise the last part about women’s orgasms really hit home.
CAB you are very good thank you for the video.
Thank You, Deon, I hope the video helped you out ☺️
I remember taking forever to orgasm with the covert narcissists I was with. We knew each other for a very long time, and then things became more physical. I trusted her completely. I didn’t think she was perfect, but as a human being, she seemed better than most. I’m going to try not to shock everyone with too much info, but when we first made love, I sensed that something was wrong. Like I had been tricked. I want to say this in a PG way, so I’ll just say she came at me in the female take charge position. It was like feeding a turtle, you hold out the food and she snatches it up. I was having trouble orgasming and I’ve never had that trouble before. I blamed it on a number of things. She wasn’t really into kissing and foreplay. Yes, even us men need some. She was very quick to orgasm and was easily excited. I thought maybe lack of foreplay and not enough friction was causing it. Another factor is that I had known her for so long, she was no longer physically attractive. At least not enough. Our relationship had become more mentally close over the years than sexually. So I thought maybe she wasn’t turning me on enough. Another thing I thought was maybe I’m just getting older now. Anyway, long story short, my body may have been aware of something. I felt like I was taking forever. She would ask, “Are you about to?” And I would respond, “I was until you asked me!”
@Tony S That’s some creepy weird shit
☝️Yes, it is. You described Cleveland Wright Jr in 3 words ?
When you asked yourself if you’d been tricked…man, I know exactly what you’re talking about…I thought the exact same thing when it happened.
Sometimes it makes you never want to trust another person again in any aspect of a relationship. Hope you found or will find a good one eventually.
OMG! You recounted my life……..my ex used sex from the start. OMG, thank you this is something i have never been able to verbalize, thank you so much, this was like the last peace to complete the puzzle. You hit the nail on the head. Thank you, thank you thank you!!!
☝️You’re Welcome ??
The low down dirty, dusty, busted and disgusted disloyal community peen! Wooo honeeeeyyy smh ??♀️. Neva eva again!
Girl got us right together with this one
☝️You Bet! ?
omg-live blow up doll -tick
-entrapped post birth of first baby-tick…….
this article has been very enlightening-has explained so much.
I’m glad you enjoyed it ?
t’s like doing it with a robot…..they don’t know how to make love.
I’m happy with my toys!
No Contact now for 6 mos.
Safe from diseases!!
My double A batteries have more spark. ?
☝️@Maria – True ?? At least they can go the distance… ?♀️
Cleveland Wright Jr was a lazy Fuck ????
He can talk the talk but has no action to back it up ?♀️
@CAB, If they threaten you with no sex that is a good thing since they are horrible in bed they only care about satisfying themselves in bed and as fast as possible. They enjoy it if they are the only one that likes it. Stay far away from these creeps. They only care about themselves only in bed. Just to stay away completely from them is better. You will start to feel peace again with yourself as time goes on. Love yourself.
From other victims posts, the older they get the worse they get. “Stay Away From These Creeps” is the best advice to give anyone that’s in a narcissist relationship.
No connection after the deed is done
No love no emotion. Nothing
Just used as a tool to satisfy their needs.
I felt raped. Everytime.
When i refused it after his tinder experiences he became totally weird scary and the abuse became worse than ever.
It was being used as a sexdoll.
Empty scary shit!
Glad i escaped a year ago and he moved on to another where he is doing the same stunts.
Fantastic video and article. Thank you. I’ve shared this many, many times in my narc abuse recovery group. ?
Thank You, Leonie, I hope the videos and articles have helped ?
Damm my ex Narcissus did all of this s*** to me that’s crazy I will never look at her da same ever again these people are f*** sick they deserve whatever bad or karma that happens to them!!!!
Wow great video and post that just helped me so much. Thank you so much and please make more on dealing with the overt and covert type narcissists. Much Light Love Namaste????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Thank you @ Narc Survivor. More videos and articles will be released as time goes by. ?
You not lying that’s why he likes his baby mama she’s evil too
?TRUTH
My X-covert-narc had a flash drive with me the wife & all the other ladies. Past, present & future. We each had a folder. You could right click on the photo properties & learn all the dirty details. These women were his coworkers, clients, X-girlfriends, friends & strangers. It was truly a life changing event when I discovered this secret life.
@Rita C Wow!!!!! I would have downloaded & saved it then contacted each & everyone of them to expose him!
My ex narcissistic sociopathic husband cheated on me, his loving, caring, Empath, doting wife every day while he was at work. We never fought, we were together every morning and night, we did everything together. I was Totally blindsided. 1.5 Yrs into our marriage. I got him to admit cause I felt something was off. We never had a fight. I thought he was a good human since we had so much fun together, we were even trying to have kids, naturally and going to see about fertility treatments.
So everyday he was at work he would go cumdump in random humans only to come home to his loving wife and not even feel guilt.
I left immediately on Aug 25th 2017 and never looked back besides to heal myself and the choices I made.
I divorced him. Moved to another state. Blocked him from everything after divorce was final but grey rocked entire time, they aren’t worth our energy field. They are true losers. They are broken and it’s not yoyr job to fix them or anyone.
No contact over 8 months, I look so forward to saying 10 years!
Yes he tries to find a hole back in, I laugh roll my eyes and block him from that way. No response kills them, forever.
Keep the power, don’t give in, noooo emotion and build the most successful life, because they hope they broke you and can’t wait to see you fail without them.
You make the choices in life, chose no diseases from cheating #dd (dirty dicks)
These men LIVE on dating sites and their primary source dont know
Based on my own experience with my ex-narcissist boyfriend he wanted sex 3x’s a week and would call me as though he was making an appointment for sex although we both lived together.
Now you talking about some idiotic sh*t.
I guess it varies from narcissist to narcissist but the one I was with was never sexually creative. I had to be the person to initiate sex all the way down to introducing new bedroom activities.
Looking back on all of this, I see the reason was because of that constant state of psychosis that the narc stays stuck in would block his creativity plus he had personality issues. This person was lame and sorry as hell and would have the audacity to ask me afterwards if sex was good as if he was really banging my back out in bed. Most of the time he would tell me that he wanted to just lay there while I do all of the work. Now, that’s one thing that I can’t stand hearing from the other party before having sex.
Narcs do not reciprocate whether it is money, love, or sex. Telling him what he needed to improve on his end never made a difference because narcs do not like to change. He also had an addiction to porn earlier in our relationship. The narc I had was lame as hell and would have sex as a form of energy supply that he would get high on.
As the years went by, I caught on to what he was doing because I would feel so sick after having sex with him. Nauseated, jittery, weak, and difficulty thinking afterwards is just a few things I would experience as the years went by while in the relationship. This horrible feeling after sex is what made me stop having sex with the narcissist.
If you are a highly sensitive person (HSP) then you must not submit your body to a narcissist for sex because sex is the highest form of energy that the narcissist can tap into. The narcs won’t admit this but if they keep coming back for more and more sex from you or anyone else, it is because it helps them thrive and feel good.
Narcs will have sex with anyone regardless of their looks because they can be promiscuous and reckless and they do not care who they get it from or who they infect with STDs or AIDS as long as their needs are met. Beware of the sexually addictive narcissist because they will have unprotected sex with anyone and will even secretly have affairs with gay men/gay women while denying being married or in a current relationship with anyone and then would immediately sit their azzes around others and condemn gays as though being gay is a crime.
Being a narcissist should be a real crime. Looks have never played a role in who the narc chooses to have sex with. Hell, they’ll even jump into a relationship with an unattractive person with money because they know that their needs will be met efficiently.
Great Answer @ Sabrina K and spot on ?
I so relate to your experience as CWJR was pretty much the same.
From my experience with this sociopath, sex wasn’t great at all. Like you, he was lazy and not creative at all. Even though he talks it up on how great he is, sex with him was like blah! No words can describe it than he was one of my worst experiences…?
I’m glad I got out of the situation when I did. The harem of women that have come forward to protect the sociopath shows me that after some research these women just don’t have any self-respect at all and will go to any lengths to please the narc.
Even the dick pics he sent through of himself having unprotected sex with other women showed me what type of classy guy this person is. ?
“Narcs will have sex with anyone regardless of their looks”
You are right. Mine found an alcoholic partner in a bar during her “ alcohol time “ According to her, this guy was a real mess. Obviously, she got bored after a few months and dumped him.
So true! My ex had sex with anyone, of any age, without hardly knowing them. Eventually, I found there was always a reason.. Ie something was being provided for free.
Omg..
This is the truth! Mine laid there like he was a King.
Oh yes, I remember all too well the one-sided sex. No pleasing me, always just laying there lol. They are seriously so bad in bed !!
Great read and so on point!
you just described my husband. great post
Thank you for commenting @ Sabrina K
Have a great weekend ?
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