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How A Covert Narcissist Acts In Bed - Cleveland Wright Jr

How A Covert Narcissist Acts In Bed

How A Covert Narcissist Acts In Bed

In recent years, there has been a huge uptick in awareness about narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many people notice flagrant examples of narcissism, like a coworker who talks endlessly about herself or a date who says most women tell him he’s the most attractive guy they’ve met on Tinder. But sometimes narcissism can be less obvious, and its signs may be counter intuitive.

This is the case particularly in the bedroom. Here’s a list of some sexual characteristics of narcissists. Some might not surprise you, but others could challenge your preconceived notions of narcissism.

Unexpected Generosity

Narcissists may actually be very “generous.” You may envision a narcissist as a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am type of lover who is only out to have his or her own orgasm and then rolls over and goes to sleep. Some people fit this description.

Others are much the opposite, though. Many narcissists pride themselves on being expert lovers who can give a partner multiple orgasms and the best experience of their lives. The only downside to this is that narcissists might expect their partners to rhapsodize over their lovemaking skill, and may even prompt partners to discuss this in awkward detail. Even providing oral sex for a partner is still all about the narcissist’s own ego.

Super Specific Preferences

Narcissists’ sexual preferences are often very specific. In bed, the narcissist may have very explicit ideas about what their partner should do or even say. They want the narrative to play out in a certain way, and they don’t have patience for changes to the script.

This has to do with their lack of empathy. Narcissists often don’t know or care that their partners don’t seem to be that interested in whatever scene they want to play out. This can lead to some strained encounters or even boredom on the partner’s end.

Lying About Being Open to Anything

Narcissists are often less “experimental” than they pretend to be. Many narcissists want to think of themselves as always in control and attractive. This doesn’t dovetail well with being game for a wide variety of creative acts. Some narcissists brag about how they are game for anything in bed, but they will not get into certain positions where they don’t look their best or they will not do things they think make them look silly.

By definition narcissists are highly self-conscious; they are only conscious of their own selves. In the bedroom this can stifle creativity and flow. There is truth to the cliché that narcissists enjoy looking in mirrors or taking pictures and videos of themselves during and as a prelude to sex. If you sleep with a narcissist, there is a higher chance you might be in one of those pictures.

Unable to Handle Criticism

Sometimes narcissists don’t learn from their mistakes. They may not even admit they make any. Other partners will likely show an increasing and evolving awareness of what partners like in bed. They will moderate their techniques if it don’t seem to feel good to their partners.

Narcissists, particularly if they’ve previously received positive feedback about their sexual performance, will often claim you must be wrong about your own sexual desires and responses. Narcissists might even tell partners they aren’t aware of how aroused they actually are, or that they like to complain, but their bodies are saying something different.

When narcissists happen to hit on what you like anyway, then everything is great. The first time you critique their technique, however, be prepared to be told you’re wrong. This can often get to a point where it feels like gaslighting, where you’re being made to feel like you must be crazy because the narcissist insists you do, or always did enjoy, something you never liked.

Even If It’s Good, It’s Still Only About Them

When you’re first in bed with a narcissist, you may have a great time or you may find the encounter boring and awkward, as with anyone else. The difference is that, in other relationships, you will likely both learn and grow together as a couple, and become more sexually compatible over time due to a greater understanding of one another’s preferences and tastes.

While dating a narcissist, you may feel increasing disconnection over time, both in the bedroom and out of it. If your partner is a narcissist, you will eventually recognize that — no matter how technically proficient he or she may be — the sex is not really about you.

If you are looking for more information on this topic check out the video below. Dr Carmen Bryant is spot on with her information.

Another article you may be interested in, posted by an ex of Cleveland Wright Jr – Sex with a Sociopath

Unmasking Sociopath “The Real Cleveland Wright Jr” @ clevelandwrightjr.is

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59 comments

  1. I’m grateful you brought this up because I thought I was defective in some way. I never once had an orgasm with him. Sex was pleasurable at times but I couldn’t have an orgasm. It was frustrating. As years went by it felt like he only cared about his needs. He made minimum effort especially with foreplay. He was literally the minute man. When he was done he’d roll over and leave me to take matters into my own hands. At the end I hated having sex with him and just wanted to get it over with. It was easier to just give in than listen to him whine about how I didn’t find him attractive anymore which was him manipulating me. I can recall one particular time when I saw a look of boredom and disinterest on his face during foreplay. He made me feel like my body was defective because I couldn’t have an orgasm with him. On top of all this, I found out he’d been cheating on me for years and probably since the beginning of our relationship.

  2. Sam Vaknin talks about how narcs engage in ‘maintenance sex’. They will go through the motions when it serves their needs, but then use sex to ‘punish’ you for whatever imagined ‘offence’ they perceive you to have committed! 24/7 exhausting tedious BS. My covert narc husband has learnt the skills necessary to be a proficient lover (when it suits him of course), but he avoids and sabotages all other expressions of natural and spontaneous intimacy, affection, and passion. My body and my energy have known it since day one, but I fell for the love bombing routine, again. These creatures are malignant and malevolent. Thanks for bringing this topic up

  3. Oh, boy, did you really clear up a difficult subject. I only responded for a short time. He was abusive & I would do anything he wanted hoping he wouldn’t cheat. OMG was I ever wrong!!

  5. Thank you for the live chat today on this topic. You are exactly right that it is only about them. What they want, how often they want it, they must be the center.

    1. As per my comments below. No motion. no intimacy, no kissing, no fun, no kinky stuff, no moaning etc;
      ‘You have to Fake It to Make It’ ?

    1. LOL! Yes I can relate. ? That’s how it was with this Narc. It brought back memories of learning about sex all over again. For someone that boasts about sleeping with so many women his very inexperienced in that department.

  8. as an empath i held back as long as i could but she love bombed so hard i gave myself and my soul to her,,,thats when the real nightmare began until i had to get away…these are dangerous people

  9. I feel like crying watching this, especially at the part you mention that you feel left hanging after they get “thiers”and absolutely NO intimacy. Being involved with him was one of the most damaging situations I’ve ever been through.

    And yes, he used sex to manipulate me. When i would try to stop seeing him and not have sex anymore, he’d withhold pleasuring me when I came back. Sometimes he wouldn’t touch me at all, he’d just push my head down so he could get pleasured…Even if I was hesitant or didn’t want to. We also didn’t do anything most of the time unless he wanted to and he’d turn me down.

  10. Don’t ever tell me that you pro created with a narcissist. It triggers something bad in me. Don’t give your children narcissist blood! Life is already hard enough. And you could be setting yourself up for narc kids. We don’t know. But why even chance it? Say no to the narcissist!

  11. I cant believe what I hear and read here. He is just like this. With sex total emotionless no kissing, no hugging, eyes closed never look at you. Its like he hated it. Its like once its done, it never happened. Somehow after sex I got silent treatment for days. And they’re into porn for sure. and they always cheat.

  12. Thank you for your live chat today and promoting this site! It’s helping me to understand and in understanding I can start healing. ❤️

  14. He couldn’t see the difference whats hurting what’s boring. Or he did see it…First is a movie act, next no kissing, than next no to stroking or touching, no eye contact…That was the end of it. The weirdest experience!!! Omg!

  16. My ex narc was a TERRIBLE lover…and got always asked me how many orgasms I had afterwards…um….NONE. none. Ever.

  18. All my ex cared about besides money was sex. I got tired of him either whining or getting mad/upset. It was exhausting and a total turnoff. I couldn’t tell him what i liked/didn’t like sexually without out him taking it personally and holding it against me

  19. Yesssss!!!! He ALWAYS wanted me to wear stilettos, sexy bra and panties. Always. He told me he loved to watch me and found that sexy. I thought the sex was amazing but when I look at it without my narc glasses on, I realize it was almost purely physical-not on an emotional or intimate level. It felt like he was basically just masterbating in me. He also got to a point where he would tell me he watched porn and had certain “stars” that reminded him of previous girlfriends as well as me. He videotaped us at times and even suggested threesomes with random people like the woman who did my hair!!! Ewww!!! He would tell me that I may think it’s weird but he really felt that he owned me. I thought it was his version of sexy talk at the time and told him he did own me (I meant my heart-he meant me-my body and soul) but now I know he actually believed that he did. I was nothing more than his property. So effed up I cannot believe I fell for that shit for nearly six years! Thank God I realized what he was and went immediate discard/absolute no contact.

    2. I walked away six months ago. He was trying to get back, telling me he wanted to make me happy. A few dats later, he’s making someone else “happy”. The abuse never ends – just different players.

    1. ?Yessss!
      This Narc promoted on another site that ” I was a Pity Fuck” but forgot to mentioned he was the one that crossed the Border. If that’s what you call a ‘Pity Fuck’ then I wouldn’t have wasted my time, my toys do a better job and can last longer than a minute ? LOL!

      1. That was a lot of effort for a ‘Pity Fuck’. Whatever!!!! these scums make up any excuse to make out that you’re the problem. once you see through their bs the games and manipulation tactics no longer work.

  23. My ex and I had sex the first time we met. After that he never initiated it (I didn’t realise it at the time) A few weeks later we were having sex every day and it was very good. One time he said he loved me during sex and it surprised me and I was so “In love” I didn’t realize I didn’t say it back. Huge mistake…..He definitely used that against me (during a fight) and left me trying to prove to him my love. It was a crazy mind fuck. I left him went no contact a week ago today. Now I’m educating myself in this horrible disorder. This was my first abusive relationship and I’m so grateful I came out winning. He didn’t win. Thanks for the live chat

  25. your comment about porn being the primary partner is very accurate, in my case. my narc doesn’t seem to care whether I’m meeting his needs or he’s meeting his own needs, then blames me for not acting interested so he has to take care of himself ya know. also gets angry if i don’t wake up early enough, because he “has to get up and go to work and needs to be able to concentrate” so his need needs taken care of.

  26. Thanks you for the chat today, OMG! My sadistic, malignant, narcissist showed me chronic premature ejaculation is actually a silver lining in some cases. I never understood the saying “lay back and think of England’ until I met that humanoid replica. Unfortunately thoughts of England wasn’t enough to distract me from the disaster he tried to pass off as a sex life. I thanked him for helping me to understand why some women knock back their sex life to once every six weeks to once every never, another mystery solved 🙂 His little attachment (mentally and physically) became a weapon of mass repulsion rather than seduction. Horrendous is how I summed it up and he said “It wasn’t that bad”. Oh yes, it was. I would have preferred to outsource the experience but I think he was making headway in that direction already. As I explained to him your other girlfriends may have been willing to fake it for you but I am more authentic than that. I’ve never watched pornography, and have no interest in it, but I think there might be a market for emotional expression in love making instructional videos just to explain the basics to these half wits. It was woeful and yes any spark I tried to add was immediately smothered by his need to be in control. I have more fun gardening, in the rain, no make that hail ; – ) Love the site, we need more like this one x x x

  27. Try dealing with diabetic impotence in a narc……his suffering ego was always on denial mode while his supply needs increased to make up for it, failing daily. Never happy, never content. WITHIN.

  28. You would literally have more fun with a sex bot than these creatures, better yet just get one of those sex dolls. Sex is all about vulnerability and emotions… those are 2 things a narcissist is never capable of giving. So you will never be satisfied. Having sex with a narc I felt nothing more than frustration, a feeling of wanting more. You lay in bed thinking “is that it?”.
    You have to ask yourself why you feel this way, when sex is meant to be enjoyable not something you want to intentionally avoid. If you feel like you are “enduring” sex with a person, something is very wrong. If you feel like you just want to get it over with. If you find yourself closing your eyes and imagining someone else, a celebrity or ex. There is a reason for this. Narcs are not capable of giving you sex that is satisfying, sex that has an emotional connection. Without that it’s nothing. It’s like sitting in a car and going nowhere, what’s the point?

  29. Welcome to the 21st century where you can google your problems into great understanding and if you happen to crave the boring, vain, emotionless, and inhuman touch of a narcissist… There’s a Bot for that. They aren’t cheap it’ll cost you as much as your college debt, but I think we can agree you’ll be better off.?

    1. P A N D O R A dayyyyyyuum??hilarious !!! quick on ya feet wit that one. and yea…we gon def be better off!

    2. You would literally have more fun with a sex bot than these creatures, better yet just get one of those sex dolls. Sex is all about vulnerability and emotions… those are 2 things a narcissist is never capable of giving. So you will never be satisfied. Having sex with a narc I felt nothing more than frustration, a feeling of wanting more. You lay in bed thinking “is that it?”.
      You have to ask yourself why you feel this way, when sex is meant to be enjoyable not something you want to intentionally avoid.

      2. Narc Survivor I fully agree… Sex with my crazy ex-narc girlfriend (whom I’m still obsessing over ffs-been a month since this last and final discard ), was unbelievably dead. Mechanical. Also she would always want me to hurry. No foreplay. Fucked right up. No intimacy or true love-bonding. She would never say ANYthing during sex. The only times the sex was half-decent was when we would both bw drunk and I could get her to loosen up a bit, but still….. at the very beginning during the love-bombing,it was

  30. I got all the toxic head games, but none of the great sex that people often talk about having with their ex narcs. Just my luck ?

  31. Some great comments here. I walked when l suspected my narc was bi sexual and maybe selling himself to gay men, anything for a gain, loves money and sex and of course himself most of all

      2. Mine made a comment the other day that makes me now believe for sure this true.

        Good Morning CAB ☕️I hope to catch your feed on Sunday, I missed the last one grrr

      3. ☝️Truth… This narcissist has homosexuality in his DNA, I believe his a closet Bi. I Have friends that are gay/lesbian/bi and I know the signs, and he clearly shows it.

        This sociopath has an addiction to porn and masturbation. His phone/s is filled with nude pics and sex videos from all his women that he targets on dating sites and social media.

        A narcissist trophy board ?

        Each to their own!

  32. I think the switched off sex drive with the narc happens when you are conquered you then are shifted into the role of a secondary source of narcissistic supply. The narc then keeps you around to regulate him/ her, and pursues new sources of primary supply. Re : Sam Vaknin

    1. And then they blame you for their cheating, saying YOU weren’t giving them what they needed!

    2. @Leanne B – This is true.

      It’s all a game to them. Sex and Money…

      Sex with the narcissist was disgusting and he wasn’t getting any money out of me.

      He knew I started losing interest as his attempts at the push/pull game intensified.

  33. what about the hiding of each individual they’re involved with, none knowing of one another and denying anything going on or having gone on with them/attempting to dissolve any communication between all parties involved… ?

    1. @Lori They don’t want you making any attempt at the new supply as it will ruin the narcissist scam.

      Once I went NC on this narcissist, I found so many of his supplies on social media sharing/posting images pretending to be a loved up couple.

      Cleveland Wright Jr manipulates his supply by believing they’re in a relationship. It’s quite funny, how the new girlfriend broadcasts the new relationship all over social media, but they forget that CWJR has no intentions on proclaiming his new found Love onto his social media pages.

      The reason being as he doesn’t want his other girlfriends/supplies to know about it. If you do question him on his new supply and like with all narcissists “She’s Only A Friend”… ?

      The new supply needs to ask the question “Why isn’t CWJR showing me off on his social media” and the answer he will give you will be BS.

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Cleveland Wright Jr
The Covert Narcissist, Con Man & The Romance Scammer
Cleveland Wright Jr