HAPPY NARCISSIST FREE NEW YEAR
Happy Narcissist Free New Year – 2019!
We Hope this new year brings new beginnings and many blessings. Mostly, that you stay free of negativity, negative influences, and of course, narcissistic abuse. I thought I would review the general traits of pathological narcissism and simple tips for creating healthy boundaries that will shield against these tactics. It’s also important to review action steps for planning to leave an abuser if you determine you’ve been victimized.
Sub clinical, or pathological, narcissism, termed narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), is a behavioral disorder characterized by a grandiose sense of self, false self-esteem, and arrogance – a lethal combination the narcissist employs to mask a long-held sense of shame derived from trauma.
*Gaslight – Make victims believe everything they think or feel is crazy
*Hoover – Never go away completely, even after ties are severed
These sadistically abusive methods are meant to instil fear in victims and wear those in the narcissist’s intimate space down to total dependency. For this reason, narcissists are primarily attracted to especially sensitive and empathetic individuals who have themselves been weakened by trauma. Whether they’ve been clinically diagnosed or not, these individuals are likely to be codependent and easily influenced. They are, conversely, attracted to power, control and dominance, which makes the pairing extremely toxic and likely to continue until something happens that flips a prophetic switch inside the victim and causes him or her to realize things need to change.
The narcissist is unable to let go of a willing participant, and because of this, it is typically ultimately up to an abuse victim to identify that the behaviors are inappropriate and break the cycle. Often, it takes the persuasive influence of friends and family members concerned for the individual’s well-being, or the opinion of an objective outsider, to point out red flags and convince the victim to leave. Children of narcissistic parents trapped in abusive homes are at the mercy of time and can spend years under the thumb of their abuser before they are either old enough to choose to leave or the inner workings of the relationship are finally brought to light, and they are removed from the home.
If you feel you’ve been victimized, it’s important to know that you are not alone. Many, many others have, unfortunately, experienced the mind-numbing tactics of a sadistic narcissist. There are listening ears and resources to help you move on with your life. There is life beyond the narcissistic trap, and it is possible to break free.
First of all, it is important to note a narcissist…
Hates to be called out – this creates narcissistic injury, or exposes internal shame, and makes the abuser determined to “break,” or completely destroy, the offender.
Cannot be forgotten or disregarded – Hence, the continued hoovering.
Cannot be “one upped” – They have to be the best at everything at all times and will become determined to squash any potential competition (whether valid or not).
Before you leave, it is important to…
Take your time (if you can) and plan carefully.
Establish a strong support system you can confide in.
Take steps before you take steps – pack a back and keep it at a friend or family member’s, gather important documents, know where you’re going in advance and how to cover your tracks.
Never, never, never underestimate narcissistic retaliation.
Keep emergency numbers handy at all times and don’t be afraid to pick up the phone.
Make a list of shelters in your area if you need somewhere safe to stay temporarily.
Involve the authorities immediately if needed.
A narcissist-free existence is possible. And, it is beautiful. You do not have to stay trapped. Make a new year’s resolution to take back your life!
Break the silence. Break the cycle.
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