The Cycle of a Sociopath: Idealize, Devalue, Discard
The relationship cycle typical of extreme narcissistic abuse by Sociopath Cleveland Wright Jr generally follows a pattern. Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three stages: idealization, devaluing, and discarding. This cycle can repeat numerous times, spinning a merry-go-round of emotional vertigo for those caught in such relationships.
In the beginning of a romantic relationship with Cleveland Wright Jr or a person that is affected by narcissism, an individual may describe the initial infatuation stage as “otherworldly.” The emotional high can feel like a drug cocktail as potent as cocaine, heroin, and ecstasy, all rolled into one noxious dose that lasts a few weeks, months, or in some cases a year or slightly more. Targets of Cleveland Wright Jr’s narcissistic abuse report feeling as if they have found their soulmate and can’t believe their good fortune that this seductive courtesan has elevated them to soaring heights upon a pedestal. “Love bombing” is a phrase describing this stage, in which the narcissistic person may smother the target with praise, courting, intense sex, vacations, promises of a future together, and designation, essentially, as the most special person ever.
Soon the relationship proceeds into a more comfortable rhythm. Perhaps the sex continues at a high intensity or it may begin to wane a bit. Gradually, the target begins to see bright red flags that indicate a problem in this fantastical paradise. The person with narcissism often may begin—subtly, insidiously, and covertly—to devalue his or her significant other. This may happen via putdowns, gaslighting, intermittently lacking emotional or physical intimacy, withdrawing affection, seductive withholding, inexplicably disappearing from contact, or blaming the target for the narcissistic person’s issues (projection).
Ultimately, the person with narcissism discards his or her dating partner, who served as a source of narcissistic supply to fuel the ego of the individual with narcissistic issues. When the target asks for compromise, reciprocity, empathy, integrity, honesty, and boundaries (all healthy and valid requests that people with extreme narcissistic qualities generally do not engage in), the person with narcissism may decide that the target has lost his or her luster and is tarnished—no longer the “perfect partner” to fluff the ego feathers. Inevitably, the discarding occurs when the person with narcissism either disappears or orchestrates his or her own abandonment by engaging in some form of egregious emotional abuse. The outcome is often shocking for the survivor, unclear as to how someone that he or she fell so deeply in love with could throw it all away.
In most cases, survivors of narcissism were able to offer empathy, compassion, authenticity, honesty, reciprocity, and compromise during the relationship. People with narcissistic tendencies are drawn to such empathic, deeply feeling people and know that, on some level, they personally are lacking in emotional depth and substance. By being in a relationship with such a nurturing, loving person, the person with narcissism is able to consume that person’s authentic love and extract narcissistic supply. Once fed over the course of days, weeks, or months, the person with narcissism is satiated and may grow bored with his or her partner. He or she must secure the supply of another target, usually in short order.
Survivors can heal and move forward with the help of psychotherapy and support in narrating their story and resolving the trauma of emotional abuse. Understanding the dynamics of abuse empowers survivors to lessen any cognitive dissonance remaining as a result of gaslighting and other emotional abuse. Armed with knowledge, survivors understand the relationship cycle they endured and can move forward with enough protective armor such that they can jump off the merry-go-round of emotional abuse and be just fine.
Unmasking Sociopath “The Real Cleveland Wright Jr” @ clevelandwrightjr.is
To our Members: Comments are now closed on this website.
Comments can be made on our new website please check your inbox for more details.
76 comments
I can not even begin to describe how accurate this information is. And although I feel even more betrayed after learning so much about this personality type, (the fact all of those actions were intentional towards me…..) but I am somewhat relieved to discover that I am not a completely ungrateful psycho like I was made to feel. I honestly had no earthly idea that people like this existed until my most recent relationship and I have learned more in the past few weeks about this than I’ve known my entire life…………WoW
I have just recently linked ‘boyfriend’ to this mental ilness. It is amazing how after reading and finding out more about this disorder that I can literally tick every single box!!! My regret is that I did not relaize this sooner and plot my escape, it happened when I found out about his cheating ways, lashed out and told him about how distraught i was – so I somehow feel that he still has the upper hand.. I miss the ‘illusion’ everyday, yet am infuriated when I think about the deception.. my solace is that he will never find hapiness and I atleast have an opportunity to move on with my life.
@Mackenzie => As most of the victims and survivors of narcissist abuse have stated on this website, with time the pain does get better. Keep on healing ❤️
Talia: I totally agree, I’m 57 yes old, first time out of my birdcage, and never knew anything about love bombing, wow is right! I been had 🙁
@ WendyJ =>
” I been had ?”
sadly but true ?
@Talia => Thank you for commenting. Happy Saturday ???
So the silent treatment has lasted a month. Ongoing off and on, in 9-year relationship this has happened countless times.
The first year of dating I started researching how this could not be normal. I over the 9 years I rationalized it in every way possible. This time, I had it. My suffering in this never ending pattern for the rest of my life will kill my self-worth. No matter how much I love him, I will find what will make me leave for good.
Being he is incapable of loving me, that is what hits me the hardest. I was trying to prove to myself that he has to love me, but could not stop his irrational ways. I looked and looked a still could not believe he could not love me. But it’s true in his actions. I had to finally accept it. Ultimately, the silent treatment and the projecting everything to be my fault and excepting he can’t love me or emphasise the hurt he was causing me ate what I ended up seeing as a cycle that would never change.
I took this last silent treatment and made my choice. For him to not feel empathy for the pain he causes me by going silent, now I now see him unhuman like the devil. My lift of the anxiety and depression has came with realizing when he goes silent.
This is the time the God is by my side helping me to see the opportunity, this is my window I’ve been given the love I need from God to leave when he goes silent robbing me from love just like the devil.
So this is what gives me the strength. Opening my eyes to the opportunity I had been given during the silent treatment that was robbing me of the love I deserved. God is by my side helping me see the opportunity to escape the devil. Thank you for posting this article
Thank you for sharing your story @Val You are heading in the right direction, stay strong ?
You just described my life to a T! I am now being discarded after 35 years. He used me to stay here with the kids. Now the last went to college and even the dogs have both passed after 12 years! I saw it coming, but tried to be hopeful, but now I’m devastated and angry at myself for allowing to be used.
@ Suzanne P – Don’t be so hard on yourself. Narcissists are experienced fraudsters. They’ve been practising their manipulation techniques since they were children.
I also like to welcome you as a member and Thank you for your comment ?
A person with these tendencies can suck you in and suck you under so fast that many times you may not even know what is going on until you are so far gone that it is too late to extricate yourself without getting hurt. They are masters at deception and finding a way to have their narcissism control you along with the unhealthy relationship. This is what they are good at- not letting you see the cunning and deception until they are ready for you to discover just how much you are being and have been used.
Spot on @ Matt H ??
Ugh. I just want to warn his friends and new supply but of course they wont believe it. They have to find out for themselves. He will show his real side eventually. Narcissists always will.
@ Summah => Do not go down this road with the new supply, it’s not worth it as the new supply won’t believe you.
You can read why in this article (click below link) why we do not contact the new supply or their enablers.
http://bit.ly/lisawhistler
I noticed the Narcissist in my life is only nice to people who are rich, powerful and are well respected in the community. They might be jealous of this person, but will act fake around them in order to gain their attention, and be associated with someone so high up in the community. Later on they will exploit this person when they get into their circle of trust.
@ Feteha A – This is true
Narcissists attach themselves to anyone and anything. They need supply. They target people of high calibre as this makes them feel validated and very important. From research, people of high status become A Grade supply or Primary supply. Targets who do not carry status become B Grade supply or secondary. Every supply will idealized, devalued and discarded.
They all need to just die already. I’m so over this narcissistic crap.
The person you meet in the first six weeks isn’t the real person.. that is the act. Time will tell… don’t be in a rush…. keep your head on straight… enjoy the ‘feelings’ but still use your brain too and see what the behavour is like after the first few months… is it still great or is it becoming unacceptable. Set your boundaries and get out if there are things happening that you agreed with yourself to NOT be willing to live with. Don’t ‘put up’ with poor treatment thinking the good balances it out.. that isn’t the kind of balance you want/need in your life. Spouses should cherish each other and have a connection they do not have with others, not live in fear or have that “I can’t wait until this is over” feeling while together.
@ Sharee D => ?
“Girls you’ve gotta know when to turn the page” – Tori Amos ?
The day I left my Narcissist… I already knew he was sick . I looked him in the eye and said. ” YOU WILL NOT WIN “I swear the the look in his eyes was pure terror …… coz he was about to lose his supply!!! Another great post ❤️
I grabbed my ex by the face and looked him straight in the eyes and said in a mean growly voice “I wish you were dead”! He also had a look of shear terror. Sadly…I loved it.
@ Maddy G => losing supply and being exposed. It takes strength to stand up to a bully narcissist. You have made the right decision to close this chapter of your life and live freely ?☮︎
This is why I don’t tell anyone my business the whole looking at me like I have 2 heads thing
@ DeonF => People don’t need to know your business …. If you do complain about the narcissist it makes you look like your obsessed and needy. No one understands this type of abuse unless they been in it …it’s not like a regular relationship and a regular breakup and people don’t understand that unless they been through it … ?♀️??
I’m going thru this now I have no support I don’t even bother getting anyone to understand it’s not worth it it never works
@ Sarah F => Don’t give up keep telling it ?
We need more people and websites like this one to expose these creatures!
The Narc in my life would make an argument up and start talking to other women that would push me to leave him.. Just to have multiple hookups . JUST to Hoover me back and called it NOT cheating because we were broken up ..
They all play out,the same patterns,I was primary,he got secondary pregnant,, when I found,out his mom posted on Facebook him holding,the baby and her comment was,the baby look like you,I asked him he said, we had,broken So it’s not cheating. ?♀️
They are sick individuals. Smdh. Twisted.
@Jasmine F – ?
@ Rita C => This ex narc (Cleveland Wright, Jr.) did the same thing to me. They love to play the push-pull mind games so they can push you away and go cheat without “technically cheating” in their warped minds. Justifying his actions by saying we were broken up for a couple of months like that makes it ok! Having unprotected sex with other women and then trying to hoover and pull me back into his web of lies and deceit. Pure evil! He pulled that stunt one time and I was done! Blocked and NC ever since! The warped games this narc plays.
Here’s proof Cleveland Wright, Jr. having unprotected sex
http://bit.ly/2oAsnel @ clevelandwrightjr.is
Warning: explicit sexual content
@ Love From CA ?? LOL ? Not much there ??
@Rita C => Exhibitionist ????
@Love From CA, @Rita C, what was this guy thinking. oh that’s right, narcs don’t have any brains as its about ego and validation with them ?♀️
@ Love From CA – One too many ? ??
My ex was hitting up exes and secondary supplies for nudes right after I gave birth to his son. Karma catches up to these narcs – all you need to worry about is getting out of the way. ??♥️??
Dont forget to mention how they backup could be man or woman, I dont think it matters if the narc is homosexual or not
Trapped In the closet with R Kelly nasty butt, they will let a man shaft them with the quickness!
This is so true it’s almost scary. When I really, really got to know my narc. I start seeing signs of this. I even told him that the way he always so quick to say forget a woman, but it’s so loyal to men even once he just mad or just came around, I told him I would think he was gay if I didn’t think they were drug buddies. But who knows they could be both. When I said that he blocked me for two weeks, LOL
@ Star H ????
Whoa shit!!!!! Yesssss…. I used to ask my ex narc if she was gay or bi and she’d blow it off by saying she was “strictly dickly”… LOL… Whateva boo!!!!! GTFOH Lady!!!!
@ Van K => CAB mentioned in some of her posts on this site that she believed Cleveland Wright Jr is a closet bisexual. When asked, she said he would always shy away and never give an answer about his sexuality.?♀️When you have friends that are gay or bisexual, I suppose its easier to pick up on the signs and their body language.
After speaking with CAB about my relationship with Cleveland Wright Jr, she pointed out some inconsistencies that I could not understand. It’s those Aha moments. ?♀️
Definitely on the down low. Narc and his best male friend— I’m willing to bet money— they are screwing around right now. He is married to new supply (female) yet has a guy friend who has never married. They take vacations together. Yes they are riding the wild pony!
@ Tony V From all the research I have done this is so true and makes so much sense. They lie and are total hypocrites so why not hide their real sexuality too?
@Tony v Most male narcs are misogynistic and use women as beards. They are on the DL..?
Omg the SAME thing happened to me. His line was always “I didn’t cheat. I left.” ? It’s like…stop gaslighting me! You absolutely cheated! I’ve been No Contact for over 90 days. great post
@Melanie M Exactly the same thing…. Blamed me because ” I left “
Like the Old saying when the cats away the mouse will play.
The constant push/pull is exhausting. He would do the same. Start a fight over something stupid, push my buttons on things he knew would upset me or not speak to me for days, sometimes weeks. I knew what he was out doing and he would say the same. We are not in a relationship or we were apart so what’s your point?? When he returned it was, I guess I need to do better?? Yeah, ya think! IDIOT! 5 plus years of that mental and emotional abuse. So glad that chapter closed.
Good Morning ladies… Always brilliant! I love these ladies and their insightful wisdom is life changing…. all of you have so much understanding…. Thank you for helping us! XO
Good Morning @Jon M ? and thank you for your kind words x
Thanks Ladies for this post it’s so true ??
Love-Bombing is just like a Trojan Horse.
The illusion of love…with someone who has nothing to offer..but drama…reality
@ James => ✅. They thrive on drama
Narcs are backwards as hell. Mistreat the ones who have their back & treat outsiders like royalty. That is sick within itself.
@nastygal => ?yes, disturbing
Love this post and you girls are awesome ☺️ Any idea when the next youtube video will be released?
@ Michelle S – Thank you for the comment. Unfortunately CAB is away traveling so a YouTube video won’t be released until further notice. A notification will be sent once we have uploaded the video.
Have a blessed Sunday ?
Discard = Disregard. If you’re fortunate enough to be discarded by a narcissist, consider yourself “lucky.” I liken it to a cat catching a mouse or a bird and torturing it while sadistically toying with it. Then suddenly s/he becomes bored with it and lets it go. Are you lucky? You betcha! ???
When I got with the Monster I was the newbie so when that Monster discarded the primary source I became the primary and she became the secondary he would start arguments out of know where so he could be with the secondary and play with the third source, It was easy for that Monster because we didn’t live together it made it easy for him so when I went back he looked Happy and refueled, I’m glad I left that Mongrol!
I still cannot believe I fell for a monster like this. It’s like partners are disposable to him – 3rd week of no contact after the discard, tough but getting stronger each day. I pity the second source who is now the primary, she has no idea of what is coming. Thanks for the post, as usual very insightful and empowering ?
I OVERHEARD MY NARC SAY TO THEIR FRIEND WHEN SHE IS AT WORK AM ENTERTAINING OTHERS BUT ONCE SHE GETS HOME ITS ALL ABOUT HER!! …whenever i was away i was cheated on. I ended up moving out of state bc of their destruction.. they had a field day..
So Why Do Nac’s Specialize in Blame Shifting when Called we calk them out on their Bullshit or Love to Guilt Trip us??? It’s like in some cases they bounce from one side of the Spectrum to all over the Spectrum lol.. I like the way you said, intentionally get disguared by them, look for cheating and change in behavior and her questioning “why is she even with you” to know you are close to the disguard and run like hell down the street Lmaaaooo!!! . ??????
@ Mr G – It is because you see them as a rational person instead of what they are – irrational. Irrational thought is illogical, and that is ABSOLUTELY FUNDAMENTAL to understand.
They do not want peace. They want the FIGHT. Let that sink in. Their goal is to extend the fight as long as possible. That is what they thrive on – being in a state of conflict. It is as if they are a verbal boxer, and they want to go past the 15th round and see how many rounds they can actually dominate you.
Chances are, they do not care what they’re fighting about. In fact, it is common for a conflict-seeker to intentionally be wrong and start a fight. Think about how hard it is to start a fight with correct facts and consideration for others…. its literally impossible. So, they have to falsely accuse you in order to incentivize your participation. This is also why it is unacceptable for you to ignore them, and it is why you cannot ever make them happy.
Think of this: If they can NOT think logically, how do they get through life getting the things they want? It’s not by their decision-making, but through EMOTIONAL COMMUNICATION AND MANIPULATION. You get so tired of fighting you just give in and change yourself.
Fighting and arguing charges them up but drains you. The longer you argue, the more charged they get. That is how they seem to have infinite energy to fight with you – you’re giving it to them. I hope this helps you ?
My heart was racing as I read your response ?
I dealt with this, now reflecting back… seeing the screwed up game … speaking for myself I believe it was pride that kept me in prison, I thought I could make him see, present logical facts etc.. I can fix him mode, I also saw the stalking as a romantic jester (?) ( he just can’t get over me)
????????? boy was I wrong???? he just wanted to get me back, screw my eyeballs out and then covertly punish me ??
I finally saw da light ?
Mine ended like the “old maid” card game… someone else pulled the the card outa my hand ?
Thank God ! Now she’s gotta get rid of it !!! ??? I wish I would’ve found your YouTube channel sooner, I’m healing, 2 years out ??? binge watching, you help put words to the webs my brain is trying to untangle ? Thank you for allowing me to become a member ?
LOL! I had the same conversation with my ex narci-shit that went on for weeks and weeks and weeks. I just kept saying no and watched. The narc just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. I went into ignore cycle and let it spin its wheels.
Luckily, they think I’m such a piece of crap that I’m not worth their time. The smear campaign is ongoing, but it’s not working, lol.
Being discarded is a blessing.
I should have taken your advise and never looked back. This is real folks! After a tumultuous engagement, I broke up with the narc and I moved out of state. Six months later and 99% recovered, I was hovered and I got together with my ex fiancé (narc). After spending one weekend with him I was set up and triangulated by him and his new supply. I found myself facing criminal charges which were immediately dismissed. I am not a criminal and since I work in a high security area, my job requires that I maintain a clean record. Any blemish could cost me my twenty year career. Please don’t go back to the NARC. They are deliberate, methodical, evil, pathological liars and they hate you!
dont beat yourself up over this, it happens to most victims. i read somewhere that some supply go back 7 times or at least fall for the hoover that many times before FINALLY getting free, and staying free. I myself have gone back to his evil games a couple times, but now I am done and done for good.
These people are boring as hell and never do anything except cause you pain. Yes there are some fun moments but overall it’s extremely deadening to have any kind of interaction with them. I felt something in me dying slowly as time went on with him. Inside you know, without admitting it, that this person is a piece of garbage, yet you are with him, making YOU feel like garbage. It’s the act they put on that sucks you in and keeps you hooked but when you start to see what’s behind that mask, and it comes out more and more as they get more comfortable with the idea you aren’t leaving, then you only have yourself to blame if you stick around.
It’s like they all went to the same narc academy. Towards the end, you mention how they already have other supply lined up. This is so true. But sadly, it’s the mother of one of his children that he’s used as supply for 20 years. This used to make me hate her, I was envious that he always kept her around. Now I understand her role better and it makes me sad for her and their adolescent child. The more time I spend without him, the more clarity I have in every aspect of my life. He was like a toxic fog in my life. I couldn’t see anything beyond the fog. I know he will be back. Because I was always a conquest for him. That’s all I will ever be. That, and a way to torture his live-in ex wife. I refuse to participate in his abuse of her.
@Sara once you let go it’s like the mist is gone, at first you’re tired as your adrenals are no longer in fight or flight mode. Then one day you wake up with loads of energy; ready to tackle the life you’ve been missing…all of a sudden everything just works and you will find yourself smiling again as if somehow you have knowledge and insights that other’s don’t. Knowledge is power and through it, you have gained tremendous strength. We all have. Never forget that!!!
@Love From CA Yes I will remember that and focus forward. One day at a time knowing that my body is physically going through changes. I had not thought of that before. Thanks so much. I love that I found this site and you allowing me to be a member. I need this right now. Thanks a million for sharing your knowledge. I didn’t even know how to spell narcissist before all of this lolol. Self care right now is all I’m focusing on today. I’m going to make some tea and put on some warm cozy socks : ) ??
@ Sara thank you! And yes self-care is so important! Thank God for spell check otherwise, I may still spell it incorrectly from time to time 😉 cosy socks are the answer for sure xxx ????❤
Comments are closed.